Okay, so I just wanted to make a quick point.
I'm a WWE fan through and through, and for all the criticizing I do of Vince and Co., I will always be a WWE fan.
I always manage to catch RAW...I may miss three or four a year. With the magic of DVR, I catch it every week no matter where I am or what I'm doing.
Also with the magic of DVR I'm able to watch TNA, which I would otherwise be unable to enjoy because I'm working both Thursdays and Saturdays: the two nights it broadcasts SpikeTV.
I don't always get around to TNA, so I have about two months of shows stocked up on my box at home. I just whipped out the July 24 edition to see Matt Morgan squash...hell, I don't even know what his name was because I wasn't paying attention to him. I was paying attention to Morgan.
TNA had been trying to get Morgan over for months. Morgan would cut some mediocre promo and then come out and squash somebody Goldberg-style, and no one cared. The crowd continued to sit on their hands for both halves of this segment.
I don't like the image Matt Morgan gives. It goes beyond being a simple "Golberg/Batista/Lashley/Lesnar" clone. In an age where professional wrestling is constantly under the microscope TNA pushes Matt Morgan with this, and I quote "Genetically jacked" superstar. That's not just a catchphrase. That's a moniker. One that never fails to air every week he's on.
Wow. Wonder what all the fuss is about when it comes to "performance enhancement in entertainment", eh?
I'm not saying Morgan is on steroids. I don't know anything about the man to make that assessment. He certainly isn't as veiny as Batista or Triple H, so I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Anyway, his squashes were quick and meaningless for weeks, even months, and despite being in fairly prominent storylines, even involving Jim Cornette, it seemed Morgan was destined to flounder like so many before him. Remember: this is the same man who debuted as a stuttering powerhouse in WWE no so many years ago.
Then I watch this edition of iMPACT: July 24. Morgan comes out, no prep, no promo, not even a promotional shot before commercial. He just comes out. In about three and a half minutes he squashes this guy...again, I forget his name and it's not really important. What IS important is the fact that he got the biggest pop of the night.
The moral of the story: you can use as many "performance enhancers" as you want. You can have creative script out the best storyline, and you can rehearse the best promo ever written for the camera. But what's going to get you over is what you do IN THE RING, BELL TO BELL. Everything else simply enhances that experience. Morgan's match on this episode was not intertwined with any creative thread. There were no titles on the line, not even a title shot on the line. It was simnple wrestling. He had the crowd in the palm of his hand.
This should have instantly put a nail in the coffin of WWE's trademark 15-minute monologues (I'm talking to YOU, Hunter). But of course, TNA is not even on Vince's radar, so he'll just keep doing what he's doing until TNA poses some "real" threat to his company.
Oh, the irony.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
A Very Reluctant RAW
It's funny how WWE seems to be contradicting themselves lately. In the midst of what is clearly a very positive "youth movement" in the company, veterans like Triple H, HBK, JBL, and Batista remain at the forefront. Even recent World Champion C.M. Punk seems to have been demoted to mid-card status once again, now stuck on the same rung as rising stars such as Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne. Nevertheless, this is a very positive direction for the company that fans are clearly supportive of.
The show opened with Batista going one on one with Santino Marella. There is no denying Marella's charisma, so I wonder why he is being mowed down by the rather stiff and stale "Animal". I actually look forward to seeing the Honk-a-meter every week! I'm not sure if that's a comment on WWE's lack of creativity, or a testament to Santino's entertainment value, but either way, it gets me to tune in.
One thing I am tired of is Batista's smile. Even as Santino clearly insults "The Animal"'s brain power, Dave stands in the ring, grinning at the man he is about to squash. The man is cutting a promo and Batista is laughing at him. One thing that I agree wholeheartedly on is something Mick Foley wrote: you should ALWAYS react to your opponent's promos against you. If you laugh at the promo, you laugh at the man, which makes it harder for that man to sell tickets. I know Santino is there for comic relief, but it makes Dave look stupid, too. "Look at him laughing at himself! Ha, ha! What an idiot!" Then he goes and squashes Marella (who is STILL Intercontinental Champion) and all of a sudden we're supposed to believe Dave is some kind of bad-ass who takes pleasure in beating people up. He's not angry. He just gets off on it. Wow. That will sell tickets.
The Miz beat JTG in a one-on-one match. This was pretty entertaining. Again, a good sign of pumping fresh blood into the company. Miz has come a long way, and I will admit that he is more entertaining than I could ever have given him credit for when he started over on Smackdown! with his "Red Rooster" haircut and terrible "Reality Check" gimmick (though his finisher still bears that name...) The only flaw in this match was the finish. Morrison distracts JTG, only to be tripped up by Shad on the ring apron. Despite the clean-up by Shad, JTG REMAINS distracted long enough for Miz to pick up the win. What is the point of having your partner there breaking up distractions if you're going to be distracted anyway? Silly finish altogether, though the match was a fairly entertaining bout.
I'm not sure what WWE expects us to think of Jamie Noble. Wrestling fans don't tune in so they can root for the heartbroken redneck who can't nab the girl that's WAY out of his league. They ARE the heartbroken rednecks who can't nab the girl because she's WAY out of their league. That's what makes them angry. That's what makes them watch wrestling! They don't want to play the violin, they want vengeance, damnit! Cold, hard, remorseless vengeance. Having Jamie job to the couple of the week is not going to win him any fans or cause people to tune in. If he turned out to be some "love crusader", defeating his opponents in the name of "true love", that might help. Sure it'd be just as terrible, but it might help him get over.
Anyway, Jamie proves that he can at least have lady friends in a very platonic sense because he manages to get the lovely and talented Mickie James as his tag team partner against Paul and Katie Lea Burchill. This was a descent intergender match (which means the guys CAN wrestle the girls and vice versa). Jamie picks up a nice win that he can throw in the face of William Regal and his eye candy, Layla who are conveniently positioned at the top of the ramp to confuse everyone because they didn't even interfere in the match so why the hell are they out there and why is there no payoff at "No Mercy" for this angle? Regal is the 2008 King of the Ring, but what does that mean? He promised to take the WWE by storm with his newfound power as "King", yet he just sits there in an oversized armchair and watches his rivals gain momentum heading into some unforeseen conclusion to an angle that has already gone on way too long.
On the bright (or dark) side of things is Kane.
Yes, Kane.
This guy is great.
You see, anyone who wants to know how to properly build a monster should take a look at what Kane is doing right now. Not tomorrow, not ten years ago, right now. Kane has squashed opponents of all sizes including Rey Mysterio and Kofi Kingston. Now he gets to be in what can only be described as a buffet of destruction in an 8-man tag team match. Despite being partnered with the World Tag Team Champions, "Priceless": Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase Jr., and their friendly neighborhood Samoan, Muna, Kane dominates this match from beginning to end.
The match is not without credit as the opposing team of Rey Mysterio, Evan Bourne, Kofi Kingston, and C.M. Punk put on an excellent showing. Evan Bourne is a huge reason to tune in to ECW on SciFi, and he proves it here with spot after spot of some of the most exciting action in YEARS. That's right, YEARS. That includes Rey Mysterio and Jeff Hardy. This young man is, if you'll pardon the pun, TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION. Kofi Kingston is another rapidly rising star that possesses a fluidity in the ring I've not seen in WWE in a long time. Great show by the youth in this match, and arguably, the most exciting of the night as the face team pulls off spot after spot to both begin and close the match.
There are a couple of downsides to this match. The first is that C.M. Punk is back down to mid-card status. That's disappointing as it's clear he's someone the fans WANT to get behind again. Despite mentions of retribution against Randy Orton, "Priceless", and Muna for costing him his World Heavyweight Championship at Unforgiven, Punk remains here where he spent most of the match getting worked over by those very men. That is the other downside. The methodical dissection of Punk went on way too long. Every member of the heel team got to work over Punk's leg at least once, which took up much of the middle segment of the match. The only part that drew heat was when Kane knocked Mysterio off the apron just as Punk looked like he was about to make a tag to escape a grip that had already held him much too long. Nevertheless, a terrific showing by Kane as he catches Kofi Kingston in the air and chokeslams him with authority to get the win. Kane has a lot of momentum riding on him now. I love that they allow the other wrestlers to be afraid even to talk to him backstage. That does a lot when it's not ridiculous.
The problem with most monsters, such as The "Great" Khali, is that they spend most of their time beating up guys a fraction of their size. Kane has beat up everyone from 190 lb. Rey Mysterio to 225 lb. Kofi Kingston, to C.M. Punk. Granted these men are all smaller than "The Big Red Machine", but not so small that we can't imagine one of them picking up a victory. This gives so much credit to Kane's character, and he is one of the few monsters besides Umaga who seem to have a very real power in the ring. I just hope the match at No Mercy doesn't blow it all to pieces.
The entire segment with Adamle was ridiculous. Orton's interruption was pointless. JBL's interruption was almost insufferable. Batista saved us all by spearing JBL, which felt a bit too de ja vu, but then spoiled it again by picking up the microphone. He walked away with that stupid grin of his. Damnit, get angry, Batista! No one wants to see a laughing contest as you beat your opponent senseless!
I'm glad to see development in the Women's division. I know Kelly Kelly is no Trish Stratus, but all these women have grown tremendously since their debut. Candice has worked especially hard to become one of the better competitors in her division, and I think she has set a great example for those who want to follow her. Beth Phoenix has made a great Women's Champion, holding the title with true dignity. Candice sends a mixed, but overall positive message. She is still eye candy, but it's clear she is no Barbie doll. She's no Awesome Kong or Lita, but she is as close to a "women's wrestler" as we'll probably see for some time.
In any case, "The Glamazon" picked up the win with help from tag team partner Jillian Hall against Kelly Kelly and Candice Michelle. Great finish by Beth Phoenix to contort herself back to her feet from a roll up while holding Kelly in a "chicken-wing" slam position. That looked truly devastating, you could hear the crowd "oh" at the impact. I look forward to seeing her defend her title Sunday against Candice. I know they will put together a good match.
The problem with Women's matches, more often than not, is their placement on the card moreso than the talent involved. The crowd began to chant "we want puppies" a third of the way in, and that had a lot to do with how the program was structured. Lita makes a terrific point of this in her book in which she talks about her first Wrestlemania (Wrestlemania X8) in which her triple threat match against Trish Stratus and Jaqueline was received with dead silence. Not because it was awful (anyone who watches the match can appreciate it), but because it was placed directly after the epic confrontation between Hulk Hogan and The Rock.
The same holds true here. You cannot expect a good reaction from impatient fans living in an ADD culture when you place the match between an all-star brawl and your main event. The crowd gets bored very quickly and I often wonder of the effect this has on the participants as far as their morale is concerned. No wonder the turnover rate for divas has skyrocketed in recent years: they're rarely given a true chance to shine.
I know I've been complaining about Batista's smile all night, but I couldn't help but laugh at the "Great Charli". This was one of the funnier segments I've seen in a while, and it even turned into a pretty entertaining, albeit short, bout. The followup by having The Great Khali confront Haas was classic, as it was clear to everyone Khali was struggling to keep from laughing along with the rest of us. This is a great example of how comedy SHOULD be used in wrestling. We got a descent match out of it, and few words needed to be spoken. Very simple, very funny. Very entertaining.
I can understand it is hard to get fans to watch new faces if they don't know anything about them. I understand that ECW is sort of a "training grounds" for future RAW and Smackdown! stars. But has it really come to this? Rather than airing some sort of promotional video, rather than educating the fans or preparing them for the arrival of a new star, the only way WWE can think to get a young man over is to have him shake hands with EVERYONE backstage?
This is a terrible concept. Whoever thought of this should be shot. I don't care if it WAS Vince McMahon. Boom. Dead.
The biggest issue with getting this talent over is the lack of territories. In the old days you got your stars from rival territories. These stars came with baggage, came with a legacy. You could talk about where they'd been, what they'd done. You may even have been lucky enough to have seen a match or two. Nowadays, WWE must fabricate resume's so that people will watch. I understand that is a difficult task, but if you've got a room full of writers at your command, it shouldn't be THAT difficult. I guarantee you this young man will be back in FCW by the end of 2008, not for his lack of talent, but for his lack of anything to work with.
Finally there is the main event: World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho and Lance Cade vs. "The Heartbreak Kid' Shawn Michaels and a partner of his choosing.
I guess I should've known who would be picked. I guess I should've seen it coming a mile away. But I try to think "outside the box". I tried to be optimistic.
This was a great opportunity to get some other young man in the action. This was a great chance to give someone a push closer to main event status. What could be more impressive than being hand-picked by HBK himself? I thought maybe Matt Hardy in anticipation for the "Night of Champions" this Friday on Smackdown! I thought maybe someone new, someone old, someone that would be pulled out of thin air and surprise everyone in the world.
Instead WWE took the safe route and reunited D-Generation X.
Now, I'm not complaining. I love DX. Even when they reunited in 2006 to shamelessly plug their merchandise on live TV, I felt like a little kid eating up some candy I hadn't tasted in a long time. But DX got stale after a while. The vignettes got less funny and more predictable. The match structre got reptitive.
Tonight I thought would be different. Tonight the roles would be reversed. You see, tonight they had to put Shawn over. Typical DX match structure dictates that Shawn will start the match strong, get beaten down, and tag in Triple H to save the day. "The Game" would burst in and squash everyone, leaving HBK just enough time to land a superkick so Trips can hit the Pedigree for the win. Insert some crotch chops in the mix, let it cool for 15 minutes, and you have yourself a good old-fashioned D-Generation X tag team match. Seriously. It doesn't matter who the opponents are. The Spirit Squad? Crotch. Kick. Game. The McMahons? Crotch. Kick. Game. Chris Jericho and Lance Cade? Crotch. Kick. You know.
Anyway, I really thought this would be different because they wouldn't let the 1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Championship limp around the ring like a wounded animal. That would make Shawn look weak and helpless and Triple H would have to come and save the day again, making it look like Shawn was nothing without his companion who, by the way, is WWE Champion.
The match starts with Shawn looking strong. Triple gets his shots in, too. DX is rolling. Triple H lets Y2J get a couple of shots in, but overall pummels the champion. This looks terrible for both RAW and for Jericho. If Y2J is the top of RAW's ladder, then how come this guy from Smackdown! can walk all over him while HBK struggles to beat him?
Then HBK comes in and starts selling like a preacher. He gets battered and busted by Jericho and Cade until he's crawling toward "The Game". Upon receiving the tag, the "Cerebrial Assassin" proceeds to anihilate anything that moves: the same guys that just beat the hell out of RAW's 1 Contender. What was Shawn struggling for anyway? These guys are obviously pushovers! Just look at the way Smackdown!'s champion mows them over.
Finally, the match ends in DQ because clean finishes are SO 1995. DX wins, of course as Jericho and Cade double-team...you guessed it: the 1 Contender, Shawn Michaels! Again, Trippy has to come in, this time with his friend, Sledge, to save Shawn's rear. Finally Shawn hits Cade with that Superkick we've heard so much about and that leads to the Pedigree that kills hopes and dreams.
Cade is prone. HBK is tired. Triple H is angry. He's always angry. I wonder what he's like at birthday parties? Probably angry when it's not his birthday.
Anyway, the "King of Kings" (one of the few Biblical references in wrestling that managed to escape worldwide controversy) grabs a ladder and sets it up for Shawn...in the corner.
That's right. Shawn can't get up the ladder without climbing the trunbuckle. He then gives a mild DX chop to Jericho (because the world would hate to see a REAL Christian thrust his pelvis...) and splashes onto Cade. HBK then writhes in pain either from his ribs or his arm. Either way, as we go off the air, it's "The Game" that's standing there, staring down Jericho while Y2J's opponent for Sunday leans on the ropes for support as he recuperates from his mighty feat of gravity-defying proportions.
Way to put over your 1 Contender, guys. Way to go.
Now I remember why I liked having Triple H on Smackdown!
The thing is, we all know HBK is gonna lose on Sunday. The man is injured and can't possibly hold a championship in his condition. He'll get beat and take a few months off to recover. So there you go. Sorry, but there's the spoiler. Hey, you should thank me! I just saved you $39.95 ($49.95 if you've got HD)!
I guess I shouldn't be too hard on the product. After all, this is only slightly better than what we were watching a few weeks ago when RAW drew a 2.6 rating.
That's right. 2.6.
You'd think that would be the red flag that sent up alarms all over Connecticut. You'd think that would be the match that lit the fire under Titan Tower. You'd think Vince would listen to what the fans want and actually start GIVING it to them before they turn his product off completely.
Of course, if you're thinking that, you're clearly out of touch with WWE.
The show opened with Batista going one on one with Santino Marella. There is no denying Marella's charisma, so I wonder why he is being mowed down by the rather stiff and stale "Animal". I actually look forward to seeing the Honk-a-meter every week! I'm not sure if that's a comment on WWE's lack of creativity, or a testament to Santino's entertainment value, but either way, it gets me to tune in.
One thing I am tired of is Batista's smile. Even as Santino clearly insults "The Animal"'s brain power, Dave stands in the ring, grinning at the man he is about to squash. The man is cutting a promo and Batista is laughing at him. One thing that I agree wholeheartedly on is something Mick Foley wrote: you should ALWAYS react to your opponent's promos against you. If you laugh at the promo, you laugh at the man, which makes it harder for that man to sell tickets. I know Santino is there for comic relief, but it makes Dave look stupid, too. "Look at him laughing at himself! Ha, ha! What an idiot!" Then he goes and squashes Marella (who is STILL Intercontinental Champion) and all of a sudden we're supposed to believe Dave is some kind of bad-ass who takes pleasure in beating people up. He's not angry. He just gets off on it. Wow. That will sell tickets.
The Miz beat JTG in a one-on-one match. This was pretty entertaining. Again, a good sign of pumping fresh blood into the company. Miz has come a long way, and I will admit that he is more entertaining than I could ever have given him credit for when he started over on Smackdown! with his "Red Rooster" haircut and terrible "Reality Check" gimmick (though his finisher still bears that name...) The only flaw in this match was the finish. Morrison distracts JTG, only to be tripped up by Shad on the ring apron. Despite the clean-up by Shad, JTG REMAINS distracted long enough for Miz to pick up the win. What is the point of having your partner there breaking up distractions if you're going to be distracted anyway? Silly finish altogether, though the match was a fairly entertaining bout.
I'm not sure what WWE expects us to think of Jamie Noble. Wrestling fans don't tune in so they can root for the heartbroken redneck who can't nab the girl that's WAY out of his league. They ARE the heartbroken rednecks who can't nab the girl because she's WAY out of their league. That's what makes them angry. That's what makes them watch wrestling! They don't want to play the violin, they want vengeance, damnit! Cold, hard, remorseless vengeance. Having Jamie job to the couple of the week is not going to win him any fans or cause people to tune in. If he turned out to be some "love crusader", defeating his opponents in the name of "true love", that might help. Sure it'd be just as terrible, but it might help him get over.
Anyway, Jamie proves that he can at least have lady friends in a very platonic sense because he manages to get the lovely and talented Mickie James as his tag team partner against Paul and Katie Lea Burchill. This was a descent intergender match (which means the guys CAN wrestle the girls and vice versa). Jamie picks up a nice win that he can throw in the face of William Regal and his eye candy, Layla who are conveniently positioned at the top of the ramp to confuse everyone because they didn't even interfere in the match so why the hell are they out there and why is there no payoff at "No Mercy" for this angle? Regal is the 2008 King of the Ring, but what does that mean? He promised to take the WWE by storm with his newfound power as "King", yet he just sits there in an oversized armchair and watches his rivals gain momentum heading into some unforeseen conclusion to an angle that has already gone on way too long.
On the bright (or dark) side of things is Kane.
Yes, Kane.
This guy is great.
You see, anyone who wants to know how to properly build a monster should take a look at what Kane is doing right now. Not tomorrow, not ten years ago, right now. Kane has squashed opponents of all sizes including Rey Mysterio and Kofi Kingston. Now he gets to be in what can only be described as a buffet of destruction in an 8-man tag team match. Despite being partnered with the World Tag Team Champions, "Priceless": Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase Jr., and their friendly neighborhood Samoan, Muna, Kane dominates this match from beginning to end.
The match is not without credit as the opposing team of Rey Mysterio, Evan Bourne, Kofi Kingston, and C.M. Punk put on an excellent showing. Evan Bourne is a huge reason to tune in to ECW on SciFi, and he proves it here with spot after spot of some of the most exciting action in YEARS. That's right, YEARS. That includes Rey Mysterio and Jeff Hardy. This young man is, if you'll pardon the pun, TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION. Kofi Kingston is another rapidly rising star that possesses a fluidity in the ring I've not seen in WWE in a long time. Great show by the youth in this match, and arguably, the most exciting of the night as the face team pulls off spot after spot to both begin and close the match.
There are a couple of downsides to this match. The first is that C.M. Punk is back down to mid-card status. That's disappointing as it's clear he's someone the fans WANT to get behind again. Despite mentions of retribution against Randy Orton, "Priceless", and Muna for costing him his World Heavyweight Championship at Unforgiven, Punk remains here where he spent most of the match getting worked over by those very men. That is the other downside. The methodical dissection of Punk went on way too long. Every member of the heel team got to work over Punk's leg at least once, which took up much of the middle segment of the match. The only part that drew heat was when Kane knocked Mysterio off the apron just as Punk looked like he was about to make a tag to escape a grip that had already held him much too long. Nevertheless, a terrific showing by Kane as he catches Kofi Kingston in the air and chokeslams him with authority to get the win. Kane has a lot of momentum riding on him now. I love that they allow the other wrestlers to be afraid even to talk to him backstage. That does a lot when it's not ridiculous.
The problem with most monsters, such as The "Great" Khali, is that they spend most of their time beating up guys a fraction of their size. Kane has beat up everyone from 190 lb. Rey Mysterio to 225 lb. Kofi Kingston, to C.M. Punk. Granted these men are all smaller than "The Big Red Machine", but not so small that we can't imagine one of them picking up a victory. This gives so much credit to Kane's character, and he is one of the few monsters besides Umaga who seem to have a very real power in the ring. I just hope the match at No Mercy doesn't blow it all to pieces.
The entire segment with Adamle was ridiculous. Orton's interruption was pointless. JBL's interruption was almost insufferable. Batista saved us all by spearing JBL, which felt a bit too de ja vu, but then spoiled it again by picking up the microphone. He walked away with that stupid grin of his. Damnit, get angry, Batista! No one wants to see a laughing contest as you beat your opponent senseless!
I'm glad to see development in the Women's division. I know Kelly Kelly is no Trish Stratus, but all these women have grown tremendously since their debut. Candice has worked especially hard to become one of the better competitors in her division, and I think she has set a great example for those who want to follow her. Beth Phoenix has made a great Women's Champion, holding the title with true dignity. Candice sends a mixed, but overall positive message. She is still eye candy, but it's clear she is no Barbie doll. She's no Awesome Kong or Lita, but she is as close to a "women's wrestler" as we'll probably see for some time.
In any case, "The Glamazon" picked up the win with help from tag team partner Jillian Hall against Kelly Kelly and Candice Michelle. Great finish by Beth Phoenix to contort herself back to her feet from a roll up while holding Kelly in a "chicken-wing" slam position. That looked truly devastating, you could hear the crowd "oh" at the impact. I look forward to seeing her defend her title Sunday against Candice. I know they will put together a good match.
The problem with Women's matches, more often than not, is their placement on the card moreso than the talent involved. The crowd began to chant "we want puppies" a third of the way in, and that had a lot to do with how the program was structured. Lita makes a terrific point of this in her book in which she talks about her first Wrestlemania (Wrestlemania X8) in which her triple threat match against Trish Stratus and Jaqueline was received with dead silence. Not because it was awful (anyone who watches the match can appreciate it), but because it was placed directly after the epic confrontation between Hulk Hogan and The Rock.
The same holds true here. You cannot expect a good reaction from impatient fans living in an ADD culture when you place the match between an all-star brawl and your main event. The crowd gets bored very quickly and I often wonder of the effect this has on the participants as far as their morale is concerned. No wonder the turnover rate for divas has skyrocketed in recent years: they're rarely given a true chance to shine.
I know I've been complaining about Batista's smile all night, but I couldn't help but laugh at the "Great Charli". This was one of the funnier segments I've seen in a while, and it even turned into a pretty entertaining, albeit short, bout. The followup by having The Great Khali confront Haas was classic, as it was clear to everyone Khali was struggling to keep from laughing along with the rest of us. This is a great example of how comedy SHOULD be used in wrestling. We got a descent match out of it, and few words needed to be spoken. Very simple, very funny. Very entertaining.
I can understand it is hard to get fans to watch new faces if they don't know anything about them. I understand that ECW is sort of a "training grounds" for future RAW and Smackdown! stars. But has it really come to this? Rather than airing some sort of promotional video, rather than educating the fans or preparing them for the arrival of a new star, the only way WWE can think to get a young man over is to have him shake hands with EVERYONE backstage?
This is a terrible concept. Whoever thought of this should be shot. I don't care if it WAS Vince McMahon. Boom. Dead.
The biggest issue with getting this talent over is the lack of territories. In the old days you got your stars from rival territories. These stars came with baggage, came with a legacy. You could talk about where they'd been, what they'd done. You may even have been lucky enough to have seen a match or two. Nowadays, WWE must fabricate resume's so that people will watch. I understand that is a difficult task, but if you've got a room full of writers at your command, it shouldn't be THAT difficult. I guarantee you this young man will be back in FCW by the end of 2008, not for his lack of talent, but for his lack of anything to work with.
Finally there is the main event: World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho and Lance Cade vs. "The Heartbreak Kid' Shawn Michaels and a partner of his choosing.
I guess I should've known who would be picked. I guess I should've seen it coming a mile away. But I try to think "outside the box". I tried to be optimistic.
This was a great opportunity to get some other young man in the action. This was a great chance to give someone a push closer to main event status. What could be more impressive than being hand-picked by HBK himself? I thought maybe Matt Hardy in anticipation for the "Night of Champions" this Friday on Smackdown! I thought maybe someone new, someone old, someone that would be pulled out of thin air and surprise everyone in the world.
Instead WWE took the safe route and reunited D-Generation X.
Now, I'm not complaining. I love DX. Even when they reunited in 2006 to shamelessly plug their merchandise on live TV, I felt like a little kid eating up some candy I hadn't tasted in a long time. But DX got stale after a while. The vignettes got less funny and more predictable. The match structre got reptitive.
Tonight I thought would be different. Tonight the roles would be reversed. You see, tonight they had to put Shawn over. Typical DX match structure dictates that Shawn will start the match strong, get beaten down, and tag in Triple H to save the day. "The Game" would burst in and squash everyone, leaving HBK just enough time to land a superkick so Trips can hit the Pedigree for the win. Insert some crotch chops in the mix, let it cool for 15 minutes, and you have yourself a good old-fashioned D-Generation X tag team match. Seriously. It doesn't matter who the opponents are. The Spirit Squad? Crotch. Kick. Game. The McMahons? Crotch. Kick. Game. Chris Jericho and Lance Cade? Crotch. Kick. You know.
Anyway, I really thought this would be different because they wouldn't let the 1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Championship limp around the ring like a wounded animal. That would make Shawn look weak and helpless and Triple H would have to come and save the day again, making it look like Shawn was nothing without his companion who, by the way, is WWE Champion.
The match starts with Shawn looking strong. Triple gets his shots in, too. DX is rolling. Triple H lets Y2J get a couple of shots in, but overall pummels the champion. This looks terrible for both RAW and for Jericho. If Y2J is the top of RAW's ladder, then how come this guy from Smackdown! can walk all over him while HBK struggles to beat him?
Then HBK comes in and starts selling like a preacher. He gets battered and busted by Jericho and Cade until he's crawling toward "The Game". Upon receiving the tag, the "Cerebrial Assassin" proceeds to anihilate anything that moves: the same guys that just beat the hell out of RAW's 1 Contender. What was Shawn struggling for anyway? These guys are obviously pushovers! Just look at the way Smackdown!'s champion mows them over.
Finally, the match ends in DQ because clean finishes are SO 1995. DX wins, of course as Jericho and Cade double-team...you guessed it: the 1 Contender, Shawn Michaels! Again, Trippy has to come in, this time with his friend, Sledge, to save Shawn's rear. Finally Shawn hits Cade with that Superkick we've heard so much about and that leads to the Pedigree that kills hopes and dreams.
Cade is prone. HBK is tired. Triple H is angry. He's always angry. I wonder what he's like at birthday parties? Probably angry when it's not his birthday.
Anyway, the "King of Kings" (one of the few Biblical references in wrestling that managed to escape worldwide controversy) grabs a ladder and sets it up for Shawn...in the corner.
That's right. Shawn can't get up the ladder without climbing the trunbuckle. He then gives a mild DX chop to Jericho (because the world would hate to see a REAL Christian thrust his pelvis...) and splashes onto Cade. HBK then writhes in pain either from his ribs or his arm. Either way, as we go off the air, it's "The Game" that's standing there, staring down Jericho while Y2J's opponent for Sunday leans on the ropes for support as he recuperates from his mighty feat of gravity-defying proportions.
Way to put over your 1 Contender, guys. Way to go.
Now I remember why I liked having Triple H on Smackdown!
The thing is, we all know HBK is gonna lose on Sunday. The man is injured and can't possibly hold a championship in his condition. He'll get beat and take a few months off to recover. So there you go. Sorry, but there's the spoiler. Hey, you should thank me! I just saved you $39.95 ($49.95 if you've got HD)!
I guess I shouldn't be too hard on the product. After all, this is only slightly better than what we were watching a few weeks ago when RAW drew a 2.6 rating.
That's right. 2.6.
You'd think that would be the red flag that sent up alarms all over Connecticut. You'd think that would be the match that lit the fire under Titan Tower. You'd think Vince would listen to what the fans want and actually start GIVING it to them before they turn his product off completely.
Of course, if you're thinking that, you're clearly out of touch with WWE.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Unforgiven 2008
I'll make this short. I don't have a whole lot of time. I didn't see all of Unforgiven 2008. I came in for the closing matches of the WWE Championship scramble and took it from there. I later went back and watched specifically the Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho bout. Below are some quick thoughts I sent in to Bill Apter of http://www.1wrestling.com after the show. You can also access them through the site here.
From Vincent Conroy
MATCH OF THE YEAR: Y2J vs. HBK
I don't want to waste time with the other matches. This one was by far the best of the night. There were parts that were disturbing to watch and at times I had to keep reminding myself this whole angle was a work. Any creative mind in any form of wrestling should pay close attention on how to properly build a feud. Any wrestler should pay attention to how to tell a story in the ring. These two are magic together.
As I said, there were parts that were almost disturbing. I have seen a lot of original ECW stuff (the best of the hardcore matches) and this still sent chills down my spine. It wasn't particularly bloody (though plenty was shed…), it was moreso the psychology behind it: the fact that the "pure and holy" Shawn Michaels was consciously and willingly inflicting this kind of pain on Chris Jericho. HBK was favoring his left arm the whole time (Shawn is a southpaw…) but still managed to pull of yet another showstopping performance.
As for Y2J, I doubt he had to work hard to sell anything as every blow seemed more real than the last. From being suplexed on the ramp (a move that seemed to open his arm up) to being put through the announce table, to being whipped with Shawn's belt (even in the face…) this was by far the worst beating I've ever seen Jericho or any wrestler take. Jericho was blatantly whimpering in pain through the middle of the match and I wonder if the finish was changed because of the wounds he has sustained. Before tackling Jericho toward the end of the match you could see Shawn crawl up behind him and, wrapping Jericho's arm around his own throat, mouth the words "Are you okay?" To the viewer it looked like HBK was teasing Jericho, because HBK the character could care less. Deep down, though, we could see that Shawn truly was concerned for Jericho's health, as are many people at this point.
Both men told a great story. Jericho's evil expression makes your blood run cold and seeing babyface Michaels become "possessed" to the point of being a mirror for Jericho's hatred was just disturbing. Shawn was openly crying after putting Jericho through the announce table and after the match was over. He was shaking all over as Jericho writhed in what I have to believe to be very real pain. Jerry "The King" Lawler said it best when he claimed Shawn Michaels had been "possessed by the devil", because he certainly wasn't the Shawn Michaels we are used to seeing.
The average hardcore match utilizes more weapons and sheds more blood, but deep down you remember that both men signed to do it, and at least one of them is enjoying themselves. We know that HBK and Y2J signed up for this, but to think that either man is having a pleasant evening as a result is unfathomable. This is what wrestling is all about: storytelling. This is a great story that will go down as one of the greatest feuds of all time.
OTHER THOUGHTS:
Randy Orton needs to form a stable with Priceless (who finally need to call themselves "Priceless" and start selling their own T-shirts…)
Matt Hardy as ECW Champion is another reason to tune in on Tuesday nights. A very smart move.
The Divas Title was up for grabs, but no one cared because a better angle would've been Candice Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix for the Women's Championship. There are too many redundant titles running around in WWE.
Triple H retaining the WWE Title is okay considering the circumstances, but now it's time to put the strap on Jeff Hardy, who the fans CLEARLY want to see win. Nice tease by WWE, but only if it actually gets Jeff the title in the near future.
Nice to see actual plot development on a PPV, though the segment with 'Taker and Big Show ran a bit long. Why do beat-downs take so long these days?
WWE needs to increase the number of matches per PPV and shorten the length of each match. The title scrambles were deliberately 20 minutes to take up air time (that's 1/3 of the PPV right there…) but were struggling to fill it with solid action. The Divas Title match suffered from the same issue. Remember when we used to get 10 matches per PPV and each match only had to be about 15 minutes long (title matches were always longer?) That's what they need to go back to. What's the point in having 9 titles in your company if only 5 get defended regularly? No IC, Women's, WWE Tag, or United States title matches (Shelton Benjamin was in the WWE title scramble). With PPV's now $49.99 (for HD) I want more bang for my buck.
All in all I give the show a 7/10, mostly for the HBK/Y2J classic and also for finally giving Matt Hardy a world championship. Let's see if they can do the same for Jeff.
Another, late-breaking thought (though it's pretty obvious by now) is having all three title matches under the same stipulation. I thought the crowd was dead because the action was lame, but there was nothing wrong with the wrestling. It was the fact that they'd already endured two of these scrambles and now they were sitting through a third one. Rather than a develop a real feud between champion and challenger, it's much easier for creative to sit back and throw the "tournament" angle out there under a different name.
Awesome.
They did the same thing a little while back with the Elimination Chamber and what a huge flop that was. Chamber mathces used to be special but now I feel saturated with pointless, arbitrary gimmick matches and long for a good, deep-running feud. Is that really too much to ask?
I guess so.
From Vincent Conroy
MATCH OF THE YEAR: Y2J vs. HBK
I don't want to waste time with the other matches. This one was by far the best of the night. There were parts that were disturbing to watch and at times I had to keep reminding myself this whole angle was a work. Any creative mind in any form of wrestling should pay close attention on how to properly build a feud. Any wrestler should pay attention to how to tell a story in the ring. These two are magic together.
As I said, there were parts that were almost disturbing. I have seen a lot of original ECW stuff (the best of the hardcore matches) and this still sent chills down my spine. It wasn't particularly bloody (though plenty was shed…), it was moreso the psychology behind it: the fact that the "pure and holy" Shawn Michaels was consciously and willingly inflicting this kind of pain on Chris Jericho. HBK was favoring his left arm the whole time (Shawn is a southpaw…) but still managed to pull of yet another showstopping performance.
As for Y2J, I doubt he had to work hard to sell anything as every blow seemed more real than the last. From being suplexed on the ramp (a move that seemed to open his arm up) to being put through the announce table, to being whipped with Shawn's belt (even in the face…) this was by far the worst beating I've ever seen Jericho or any wrestler take. Jericho was blatantly whimpering in pain through the middle of the match and I wonder if the finish was changed because of the wounds he has sustained. Before tackling Jericho toward the end of the match you could see Shawn crawl up behind him and, wrapping Jericho's arm around his own throat, mouth the words "Are you okay?" To the viewer it looked like HBK was teasing Jericho, because HBK the character could care less. Deep down, though, we could see that Shawn truly was concerned for Jericho's health, as are many people at this point.
Both men told a great story. Jericho's evil expression makes your blood run cold and seeing babyface Michaels become "possessed" to the point of being a mirror for Jericho's hatred was just disturbing. Shawn was openly crying after putting Jericho through the announce table and after the match was over. He was shaking all over as Jericho writhed in what I have to believe to be very real pain. Jerry "The King" Lawler said it best when he claimed Shawn Michaels had been "possessed by the devil", because he certainly wasn't the Shawn Michaels we are used to seeing.
The average hardcore match utilizes more weapons and sheds more blood, but deep down you remember that both men signed to do it, and at least one of them is enjoying themselves. We know that HBK and Y2J signed up for this, but to think that either man is having a pleasant evening as a result is unfathomable. This is what wrestling is all about: storytelling. This is a great story that will go down as one of the greatest feuds of all time.
OTHER THOUGHTS:
Randy Orton needs to form a stable with Priceless (who finally need to call themselves "Priceless" and start selling their own T-shirts…)
Matt Hardy as ECW Champion is another reason to tune in on Tuesday nights. A very smart move.
The Divas Title was up for grabs, but no one cared because a better angle would've been Candice Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix for the Women's Championship. There are too many redundant titles running around in WWE.
Triple H retaining the WWE Title is okay considering the circumstances, but now it's time to put the strap on Jeff Hardy, who the fans CLEARLY want to see win. Nice tease by WWE, but only if it actually gets Jeff the title in the near future.
Nice to see actual plot development on a PPV, though the segment with 'Taker and Big Show ran a bit long. Why do beat-downs take so long these days?
WWE needs to increase the number of matches per PPV and shorten the length of each match. The title scrambles were deliberately 20 minutes to take up air time (that's 1/3 of the PPV right there…) but were struggling to fill it with solid action. The Divas Title match suffered from the same issue. Remember when we used to get 10 matches per PPV and each match only had to be about 15 minutes long (title matches were always longer?) That's what they need to go back to. What's the point in having 9 titles in your company if only 5 get defended regularly? No IC, Women's, WWE Tag, or United States title matches (Shelton Benjamin was in the WWE title scramble). With PPV's now $49.99 (for HD) I want more bang for my buck.
All in all I give the show a 7/10, mostly for the HBK/Y2J classic and also for finally giving Matt Hardy a world championship. Let's see if they can do the same for Jeff.
Another, late-breaking thought (though it's pretty obvious by now) is having all three title matches under the same stipulation. I thought the crowd was dead because the action was lame, but there was nothing wrong with the wrestling. It was the fact that they'd already endured two of these scrambles and now they were sitting through a third one. Rather than a develop a real feud between champion and challenger, it's much easier for creative to sit back and throw the "tournament" angle out there under a different name.
Awesome.
They did the same thing a little while back with the Elimination Chamber and what a huge flop that was. Chamber mathces used to be special but now I feel saturated with pointless, arbitrary gimmick matches and long for a good, deep-running feud. Is that really too much to ask?
I guess so.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
WWE Draft 2008
Raw rolled out a three-hour special last Monday to present it's 2008 Draft of all the stars from Raw, Smackdown, and ECW.
Mr. McMahon also continued his Million Dollar Mania giveaway as he bestowed his money upon several lucky viewers.
Since most of the show remained unchanged, I will concentrate mainly on the picks themselves.
For those who didn't get to see the show the formula was as such: all the matches for the night were interpromotional bouts (meaning each brand faced opponents from a different brand) with the winner(s) giving their brand the next draft pick, meaning that whichever Superstar was randomly selected would be drafted to the brand that won the match.
This was a nice formula that put together some intriguing matchups and also gave the matches themselves some real consequences. The other nice thing about this is that for every draft pick, there MUST be a match, and therefore, the quantity of matches for the night was increased from the average of four to about ten. Granted, this was with an extra hour, but that still boils down to three or four matches an HOUR rather than four or five matches over two hours.
So let's take these matches (and draft picks) in order, shall we?
RAW VS. SMACKDOWN
WWE Champion Triple H vs. "The World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry
I thought this was a very intriguing matchup, though I wondered just how much Triple H would give to make Henry look good. It was a descent match, but of course, no one expected Henry to win. The crowd was firmly behind Triple H the whole time, and in the end, despite Henry's VERY impressive counter to the Pedigree (he actually picked The Game up to reverse it...) Triple gets the win and thus secures the first draft pick for Raw.
DRAFT PICK 1: Rey Mysterio is drafted to Monday Night Raw
I think this is a good choice, though it would not have been my first. Rey has been working very hard over at Smackdown and his popularity continues to rise with each year, especially following his reign as World Champion. He definitely deserves a spot on the flagship broadcast, but I wonder how far he will get with so many stars cluttering up the main event.
RAW VS. SMACKDOWN
TAG TEAM MATCH
Finlay & Hornswoggle vs. Carlito & Santino Marella
Finlay and Hornswoggle pull out the win here in a fun little match. Santino's charisma and ridiculous temper made this more entertaining than it should've been. It was nice to see Smackdown go over Raw for a change, lending some credibility to a struggling brand. So Smackdown gets the next draft pick.
DRAFT PICK 2: Jeff Hardy is drafted to Friday Night Smackdown
I am infuriated by this decision.
Jeff Hardy has worked so hard on Raw, and has only grown more popular despite being suspended for his Wellness Program violation. Even after missing Wrestlemania 24 due to this suspension, he comes back with more crowd support than ever, and it's clear they want to see him in the main event vying for the top title. Then WWE buries him in a 1 Contender's match with John Cena, and suddenly his hope of being an even bigger star in this business is dashed.
My original theory was that he was drafted to Smackdown because they knew if he stayed on Raw they would eventually have to put him over Triple H, which would be blasphemy at this point, so they threw him onto the B-show where he would be able to thrive without any Triple H-sized roadblocks. Justify it however you will, Hardy belongs on Raw.
RAW VS. ECW
TAG TEAM MATCH
World Tag Team Champions Bob Holly & Cody Rhodes vs. Bam Neeley and Chavo Guerrero
At last ECW gets a chance to claim some new stars of it's own.
But they won't. They're up against guys from Raw. The Tag Champs, no less.
Never mind then.
ECW gets buried, of course, giving Raw it's second draft pick.
DRAFT PICK 3: C.M. Punk is drafted to Monday Night Raw
This was pretty much a given, but it's nice to see WWE doing something smart. Punk has been a great hand on ECW, and though his reign as Champion on that brand never quite brought him the stardom it should have, there is little more he can accomplish there. He belongs on Raw where his popularity can continue to rise. Being Mr. Money-in-the-Bank for 2008, it's clear he will be slotted against the Champion at some point, but I would rather see him work up to it, maybe feuding with Chris Jericho for the Intercontinental Championship first. That would be a great program with some terrific wrestling for fans to enjoy. In any case, Punk is where he should've been a long time ago: he's now on the A-show of WWE.
ECW VS. SMACKDOWN
TAG TEAM MATCH
WWE Tag Team Champions The Miz & John Morrison vs. The Hardys
I'm not exactly sure what Vickie Guerrero's purpose here was. Usually she comes out to announce something that will piss the fans off, but today she actually grants them a gift. She told the WWE Tag Champs that it was originally scheduled to be Miz & Morrison vs. Hawkins & Ryder, but that she has changed that and selected new opponents. Matt Hardy's music hits, and the crowd goes crazy, and when Jeff emerges from behind the TitanTron, the roof comes off.
Anyway, I guess they figured since the brothers are on the same brand now (Jeff having been drafted to Smackdown two matches earlier) they can reform their infamous tag team relationship. Unfortunately it's to no avail. A good tag match sees the WWE Tag Team Champions go over the brothers of extreme, granting ECW it's first draft pick of the night.
DRAFT PICK 4: Matt Hardy is drafted to ECW
I'm not exactly sure what the big deal is here. In the first place, Smackdown and ECW share talent anyway, so drafting men between the two shows doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense.
What this DOES establish is that champions drafted to other brands also bring their titles with them. So the United States Championship is now property of ECW. I'm still not sure what the big deal is. I suspect Smackdown wrestlers will still be able to compete for the title thanks to the sharing of talent.
This seems to be a direct contradiction in the philosophy behind Jeff Hardy's drafting to Smackdown. Whereas Jeff needed Smackdown to get out from under other stars' shadows (specifically Triple H), Matt was already flourishing on Smackdown and had gotten infinitely more popular thanks to the long-awaited defeated of his arch-rival, MVP for the United States Championship. Throwing Matt to ECW won't really change anything because the same stars appear on either show. The only place that really would've reshaped Matt's future is Raw, where of course, he would've suffered the same fate as his brother no matter how good he was.
RAW VS. SMACKDOWN-ANNOUNCERS ONLY DRAFTED
TAG TEAM MATCH
Women's Champion Mickie James & Melina vs. Victoria & Natalya
This match means that ONLY the announcers would be drafted between brands. The match itself was cut short when Melina was knocked off the ring apron and seriously sprained her ankle taking the fall. It is a genuine injury, as you could hear Mickie ask Melina if she was hurt, to wich the latter replied "Yes". The match fell apart as Mickie sought to attend to Melina rather than get back into the ring. You could hear Melina say "I'm sorry" several times to her tag team partner. Eventually Mickie was ambushed by Victoria and Natalya, resulting in, of all things, a double disqualification. While I'm sure the result was inentional, the match itself clearly fell apart. Melina, in tears, was carried from ringside by two men after the conclusion of the match.
As a result of the Double-DQ (I'm still not exactly sure what anyone did WRONG...a double countout may have been better suited here...) both brands were granted a draft pick.
DRAFT PICK 5: "Good Ol' J.R." Jim Ross is drafted to Friday Night Smackdown
DRAFT PICK 6: Michael Cole is drafted to Monday Night Raw
No one is happy with this arrangement. Jerry "The King" Lawler looked absolutely astounded, and J.R. was visibly upset as he took his place over at the Smackdown announce table. Meanwhile, Michael Cole reluctantly took his place next to "The King", who continued to look across the floor to his longtime partner as if waiting for someone to jump out and say, "Gotcha!"
This is the most ridiculous decision of the night.
Even Mick Foley later acknowledged that Jim Ross was "an institution" on Monday Night Raw.
So why the hell is he being drafted to Smackdown?
Michael Cole stated that while he was honored to be a part of Raw (a statement that did more harm to Smackdown than anything...) he felt awkward taking J.R.'s place.
This is a ludicrous decision that will eventually be reversed. While I don't think moving J.R. will impact anyone's ratings, fans will cry out at the sheer blasphemy of moving him to Smackdown. All due respect to Michael Cole (who certainly deserves a spot on Raw), his promotion should not have come at the expense of Raw's legendary annouce team being split up.
RAW VS. SMACKDOWN
John Cena vs. World Heavyweight Champion Edge
This is the "main event", but presented 2/3 of the way through the program. Vince announced this match prior to one of his giveaways.
It was certainly a very entertaining match that saw solid spots by both men. Eventually, John Cena picked up the win, giving Raw yet another draft pick.
DRAFT PICK 7: Batista is drafted to Monday Night Raw
Again, I'm not sure what good this does for Batista. He has become something of an institution himself over on Smackdown and done a great job of holding the main event picture together. Drafting him to Raw will only further confound their main event canvas. Still, it's a nice change of pace. It's been three years since Batista was a full-time member of the Raw roster, but what good is his arrival if he only seeks to run through everyone in the locker room?
SMACKDOWN VS. ECW
Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Tommy Deamer
By now, Tazz has made it very clear that he's frustrated by the fact that ECW has had only one draft pick the whole night. This is the seventh match of the night, and only the third featuring ECW. Meanwhile, Raw has had five mathces resulting in four draft picks. This is Smackdown's sixth match, and they have won themselves two draft picks. Tazz banks on Dreamer to win a second draft pick (and some respect) for ECW, but is sorely disappointed when MVP picks up the win and Smackdown's third draft pick.
DRAFT PICK 8: Umaga is drafted to Friday Night Smackdown
This is another smart move. Umaga is a real force in WWE, but has suffered a few too many losses on Raw. Putting him on Smackdown will help revamp his character and give him fresh opponents. Great decision here.
RAW VS. ECW
John "Bradshaw" Layfield vs. Kofi Kingston
Again, Tazz's frustration with his brand shines through in this match. Despite an excellent showing by Kofi Kingston, he is of course buried when JBL hits the Clothesline from Hell out of nowhere to pick up the win, giving Raw it's fifth draft pick.
DRAFT PICK 9: Kane is drafted to Monday Night Raw
This is in the same vein as the Matt Hardy draft. Kane was only recently drafted to ECW, and then only recently crowned with their Championship just three months ago. Assuming that he will drop the ECW World Championship (which until Sunday is property of Raw) at Night of Champions, Kane is already very familiar with most of the men in the Raw locker room. Kane is a good worker that was becoming a staple of ECW. Now all that will be for nothing as he is once again lost in the crowded Raw roster.
RAW VS. SMACKDOWN VS. ECW
15-MAN TRI-BRAND BATTLE ROYAL
(WINNING BRAND RECEIVES TWO DRAFT PICKS)
Team Raw: ECW World Champion Kane, WWE Champion Triple H, Batista, John Cena, and C.M. Punk
vs.
Team Smackdown: World Heavyweight Champion Edge, The Big Show, The Great Khali, Montel Vontavious Porter, and Jeff Hardy
vs.
Team ECW: WWE Tag Team Champions The Miz & John Morrison, United States Champion Matt Hardy, Chavo Guerrero, and Shelton Benjamin
So the rules are that whichever team wins gets two draft picks. This is, of course, Tazz's dream come true as ECW has a chance to play catch up to Raw and Smackdown. Smackdown's team is the most formidable with both Big Show and Khali there. ECW looked small by comparisson. Raw had the most star power, which was unfortunate to see so bluntly presented.
The match had some interesting moments; particularly when the Hardys stared each other down in the middle of the ring before Jeff began to beat on his brother. Khali was eliminated almost instantly by all the members of Raw and ECW. Big Show then proceeded to beat down those men single-handedly. Similarly, Edge speared almost everyone in the ring at one point.
Tazz's frustration peaked here as Matt Hardy was left to stand for ECW in a sea of Raw and Smackdown stars. After his elimination, Tazz said,
"I guess I'll let you guys call this match now, I'm done."
Another injury occured when both Edge and Batista attempted to spear each other. This seemed to be a matter of miscommunication as Batista and Edge both have the same finisher. They ended up cracking skulls in the middle of the ring. Batista was left alone in the corner while he started to bleed profusely. He looked dazed, as though he wasn't quite sure what had happened. When he stood he was wobbly, and it was clear that he probably had some sort of concussion. He ended up being eliminated shortly after.
The last three men in the ring were Cena, HHH, and Edge. After eliminating Big Show, Cena and HHH were standing by each other when Edge knocked Cena, who pushed HHH over the top rope. Edge then threw Cena over the rope to win his brand two draft picks.
DRAFT PICK 10: Mr. Kennedy is drafted to Friday Night Smackdown
DRAFT PICK 11: Triple H is drafted to Friday Night Smackdown
I'll start with Kennedy.
This man has already spent plenty of time in Smackdown territory. There's no reason for him to go back. He should be the WWE Champion, and moving him to Smackdown will do nothing for his momentum.
The biggest bombshell, of course, is Triple H being drafted to Smackdown.
This throws everything I said about the Jeff Hardy draft and most of the others out the window. I think this is a great move for Smackdown and gives them a chance to regain some of the prestige they had when men like Kurt Angle, The Rock, and the Undertaker were fixtures of that show. Triple H lends the brand some real star power, and that should help tremendously while also freeing up the Raw roster to bring us some new championship blood.
Other highlights of the night include a promo by Chris Jericho that was answered by Shawn Michaels. When he came down to the ring, Y2J attacked HBK and they spilled outside the ring. Jericho gave HBK a drop toehold and HBK took a nasty dive on the corner of an announce table. It appeared the corner of the table went directly into HBK's eye. It was hard to tell if it was a work or a shoot, as the action quickly halted and EMT's rushed to ringside. Jericho only looked on and headed up the ramp.
And finally, Vince McMahon, of course, had the last laugh. After giving away a grand prize of $500,000, there was an explosion on the stage. After getting to the floor, a pice of the set (the sign with the giant McMahon dollar bill) "blew up" and "collapsed" onto Vince, who was under the stage. The wrestlers in the ring (who had just finished their battle royal) rushed to the scene and tried to move the sign off of McMahon. EMT's and staff came out and tried to move Vince out from under the sign. Triple H could be heard conferring with the staff as to what to do and that he was afraid more of the stage would break if they tried to move the sign any more. McMahon was eventually recovered from under the stage using a stretchboard and a neckbrace.
Moments later, WWE.com reported that due to the night's "tragic incident", McMahon's Million Dollar Mania has been suspended indefinitely.
Of course, who cares about the Chairman of the Board's condition?
And with that, what should've been one of the best Raw's in recent memory came to an agonizing close.
Overall, I think the moves of the draft were smart. Triple H going to Smackdown is going to help both shows tremendously. Smackdown got the best of night, and I think they will be a better product as a result.
ECW of course, was buried. With only one victory in the night (resulting in one draft pick) they looked weak and out of place with Raw and Smackdown. Moving Kane is not going to do anything for either show, but losing their championship will mean the show lacks purpose.
The other result is that one can almost guess what will happen at Night of Champions.
The Intercontinental Championship has not been announced to be defended at that PPV.
However, Smackdown now has posession of both titles, so we know one of them must move to Raw. That means that Edge will most likely lose the World Heavyweight Championship to Batista. Big Show will beat Kane and bring the ECW title back to the ECW brand. None of the other matches present much consequence for the company, but the fact that they chose to have this brand draft before the PPV will not necessarily help buy rates.
But I did enjoy Raw thoroughly this week, even if I am outraged at the absence of Jim Ross from now until WWE realizes what a mistake they've made.
I give it a 7/10. One point is deducted for J.R.'s draft, another for the Million Dollar Giveaway (which I was able to fast forward through thanks to the magic of DVR) and yet another for the terrible angle they've created as an excuse to put Vince back in the spotlight and stop giving away money (which was a mistake to begin with).
Mr. McMahon also continued his Million Dollar Mania giveaway as he bestowed his money upon several lucky viewers.
Since most of the show remained unchanged, I will concentrate mainly on the picks themselves.
For those who didn't get to see the show the formula was as such: all the matches for the night were interpromotional bouts (meaning each brand faced opponents from a different brand) with the winner(s) giving their brand the next draft pick, meaning that whichever Superstar was randomly selected would be drafted to the brand that won the match.
This was a nice formula that put together some intriguing matchups and also gave the matches themselves some real consequences. The other nice thing about this is that for every draft pick, there MUST be a match, and therefore, the quantity of matches for the night was increased from the average of four to about ten. Granted, this was with an extra hour, but that still boils down to three or four matches an HOUR rather than four or five matches over two hours.
So let's take these matches (and draft picks) in order, shall we?
RAW VS. SMACKDOWN
WWE Champion Triple H vs. "The World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry
I thought this was a very intriguing matchup, though I wondered just how much Triple H would give to make Henry look good. It was a descent match, but of course, no one expected Henry to win. The crowd was firmly behind Triple H the whole time, and in the end, despite Henry's VERY impressive counter to the Pedigree (he actually picked The Game up to reverse it...) Triple gets the win and thus secures the first draft pick for Raw.
DRAFT PICK 1: Rey Mysterio is drafted to Monday Night Raw
I think this is a good choice, though it would not have been my first. Rey has been working very hard over at Smackdown and his popularity continues to rise with each year, especially following his reign as World Champion. He definitely deserves a spot on the flagship broadcast, but I wonder how far he will get with so many stars cluttering up the main event.
RAW VS. SMACKDOWN
TAG TEAM MATCH
Finlay & Hornswoggle vs. Carlito & Santino Marella
Finlay and Hornswoggle pull out the win here in a fun little match. Santino's charisma and ridiculous temper made this more entertaining than it should've been. It was nice to see Smackdown go over Raw for a change, lending some credibility to a struggling brand. So Smackdown gets the next draft pick.
DRAFT PICK 2: Jeff Hardy is drafted to Friday Night Smackdown
I am infuriated by this decision.
Jeff Hardy has worked so hard on Raw, and has only grown more popular despite being suspended for his Wellness Program violation. Even after missing Wrestlemania 24 due to this suspension, he comes back with more crowd support than ever, and it's clear they want to see him in the main event vying for the top title. Then WWE buries him in a 1 Contender's match with John Cena, and suddenly his hope of being an even bigger star in this business is dashed.
My original theory was that he was drafted to Smackdown because they knew if he stayed on Raw they would eventually have to put him over Triple H, which would be blasphemy at this point, so they threw him onto the B-show where he would be able to thrive without any Triple H-sized roadblocks. Justify it however you will, Hardy belongs on Raw.
RAW VS. ECW
TAG TEAM MATCH
World Tag Team Champions Bob Holly & Cody Rhodes vs. Bam Neeley and Chavo Guerrero
At last ECW gets a chance to claim some new stars of it's own.
But they won't. They're up against guys from Raw. The Tag Champs, no less.
Never mind then.
ECW gets buried, of course, giving Raw it's second draft pick.
DRAFT PICK 3: C.M. Punk is drafted to Monday Night Raw
This was pretty much a given, but it's nice to see WWE doing something smart. Punk has been a great hand on ECW, and though his reign as Champion on that brand never quite brought him the stardom it should have, there is little more he can accomplish there. He belongs on Raw where his popularity can continue to rise. Being Mr. Money-in-the-Bank for 2008, it's clear he will be slotted against the Champion at some point, but I would rather see him work up to it, maybe feuding with Chris Jericho for the Intercontinental Championship first. That would be a great program with some terrific wrestling for fans to enjoy. In any case, Punk is where he should've been a long time ago: he's now on the A-show of WWE.
ECW VS. SMACKDOWN
TAG TEAM MATCH
WWE Tag Team Champions The Miz & John Morrison vs. The Hardys
I'm not exactly sure what Vickie Guerrero's purpose here was. Usually she comes out to announce something that will piss the fans off, but today she actually grants them a gift. She told the WWE Tag Champs that it was originally scheduled to be Miz & Morrison vs. Hawkins & Ryder, but that she has changed that and selected new opponents. Matt Hardy's music hits, and the crowd goes crazy, and when Jeff emerges from behind the TitanTron, the roof comes off.
Anyway, I guess they figured since the brothers are on the same brand now (Jeff having been drafted to Smackdown two matches earlier) they can reform their infamous tag team relationship. Unfortunately it's to no avail. A good tag match sees the WWE Tag Team Champions go over the brothers of extreme, granting ECW it's first draft pick of the night.
DRAFT PICK 4: Matt Hardy is drafted to ECW
I'm not exactly sure what the big deal is here. In the first place, Smackdown and ECW share talent anyway, so drafting men between the two shows doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense.
What this DOES establish is that champions drafted to other brands also bring their titles with them. So the United States Championship is now property of ECW. I'm still not sure what the big deal is. I suspect Smackdown wrestlers will still be able to compete for the title thanks to the sharing of talent.
This seems to be a direct contradiction in the philosophy behind Jeff Hardy's drafting to Smackdown. Whereas Jeff needed Smackdown to get out from under other stars' shadows (specifically Triple H), Matt was already flourishing on Smackdown and had gotten infinitely more popular thanks to the long-awaited defeated of his arch-rival, MVP for the United States Championship. Throwing Matt to ECW won't really change anything because the same stars appear on either show. The only place that really would've reshaped Matt's future is Raw, where of course, he would've suffered the same fate as his brother no matter how good he was.
RAW VS. SMACKDOWN-ANNOUNCERS ONLY DRAFTED
TAG TEAM MATCH
Women's Champion Mickie James & Melina vs. Victoria & Natalya
This match means that ONLY the announcers would be drafted between brands. The match itself was cut short when Melina was knocked off the ring apron and seriously sprained her ankle taking the fall. It is a genuine injury, as you could hear Mickie ask Melina if she was hurt, to wich the latter replied "Yes". The match fell apart as Mickie sought to attend to Melina rather than get back into the ring. You could hear Melina say "I'm sorry" several times to her tag team partner. Eventually Mickie was ambushed by Victoria and Natalya, resulting in, of all things, a double disqualification. While I'm sure the result was inentional, the match itself clearly fell apart. Melina, in tears, was carried from ringside by two men after the conclusion of the match.
As a result of the Double-DQ (I'm still not exactly sure what anyone did WRONG...a double countout may have been better suited here...) both brands were granted a draft pick.
DRAFT PICK 5: "Good Ol' J.R." Jim Ross is drafted to Friday Night Smackdown
DRAFT PICK 6: Michael Cole is drafted to Monday Night Raw
No one is happy with this arrangement. Jerry "The King" Lawler looked absolutely astounded, and J.R. was visibly upset as he took his place over at the Smackdown announce table. Meanwhile, Michael Cole reluctantly took his place next to "The King", who continued to look across the floor to his longtime partner as if waiting for someone to jump out and say, "Gotcha!"
This is the most ridiculous decision of the night.
Even Mick Foley later acknowledged that Jim Ross was "an institution" on Monday Night Raw.
So why the hell is he being drafted to Smackdown?
Michael Cole stated that while he was honored to be a part of Raw (a statement that did more harm to Smackdown than anything...) he felt awkward taking J.R.'s place.
This is a ludicrous decision that will eventually be reversed. While I don't think moving J.R. will impact anyone's ratings, fans will cry out at the sheer blasphemy of moving him to Smackdown. All due respect to Michael Cole (who certainly deserves a spot on Raw), his promotion should not have come at the expense of Raw's legendary annouce team being split up.
RAW VS. SMACKDOWN
John Cena vs. World Heavyweight Champion Edge
This is the "main event", but presented 2/3 of the way through the program. Vince announced this match prior to one of his giveaways.
It was certainly a very entertaining match that saw solid spots by both men. Eventually, John Cena picked up the win, giving Raw yet another draft pick.
DRAFT PICK 7: Batista is drafted to Monday Night Raw
Again, I'm not sure what good this does for Batista. He has become something of an institution himself over on Smackdown and done a great job of holding the main event picture together. Drafting him to Raw will only further confound their main event canvas. Still, it's a nice change of pace. It's been three years since Batista was a full-time member of the Raw roster, but what good is his arrival if he only seeks to run through everyone in the locker room?
SMACKDOWN VS. ECW
Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Tommy Deamer
By now, Tazz has made it very clear that he's frustrated by the fact that ECW has had only one draft pick the whole night. This is the seventh match of the night, and only the third featuring ECW. Meanwhile, Raw has had five mathces resulting in four draft picks. This is Smackdown's sixth match, and they have won themselves two draft picks. Tazz banks on Dreamer to win a second draft pick (and some respect) for ECW, but is sorely disappointed when MVP picks up the win and Smackdown's third draft pick.
DRAFT PICK 8: Umaga is drafted to Friday Night Smackdown
This is another smart move. Umaga is a real force in WWE, but has suffered a few too many losses on Raw. Putting him on Smackdown will help revamp his character and give him fresh opponents. Great decision here.
RAW VS. ECW
John "Bradshaw" Layfield vs. Kofi Kingston
Again, Tazz's frustration with his brand shines through in this match. Despite an excellent showing by Kofi Kingston, he is of course buried when JBL hits the Clothesline from Hell out of nowhere to pick up the win, giving Raw it's fifth draft pick.
DRAFT PICK 9: Kane is drafted to Monday Night Raw
This is in the same vein as the Matt Hardy draft. Kane was only recently drafted to ECW, and then only recently crowned with their Championship just three months ago. Assuming that he will drop the ECW World Championship (which until Sunday is property of Raw) at Night of Champions, Kane is already very familiar with most of the men in the Raw locker room. Kane is a good worker that was becoming a staple of ECW. Now all that will be for nothing as he is once again lost in the crowded Raw roster.
RAW VS. SMACKDOWN VS. ECW
15-MAN TRI-BRAND BATTLE ROYAL
(WINNING BRAND RECEIVES TWO DRAFT PICKS)
Team Raw: ECW World Champion Kane, WWE Champion Triple H, Batista, John Cena, and C.M. Punk
vs.
Team Smackdown: World Heavyweight Champion Edge, The Big Show, The Great Khali, Montel Vontavious Porter, and Jeff Hardy
vs.
Team ECW: WWE Tag Team Champions The Miz & John Morrison, United States Champion Matt Hardy, Chavo Guerrero, and Shelton Benjamin
So the rules are that whichever team wins gets two draft picks. This is, of course, Tazz's dream come true as ECW has a chance to play catch up to Raw and Smackdown. Smackdown's team is the most formidable with both Big Show and Khali there. ECW looked small by comparisson. Raw had the most star power, which was unfortunate to see so bluntly presented.
The match had some interesting moments; particularly when the Hardys stared each other down in the middle of the ring before Jeff began to beat on his brother. Khali was eliminated almost instantly by all the members of Raw and ECW. Big Show then proceeded to beat down those men single-handedly. Similarly, Edge speared almost everyone in the ring at one point.
Tazz's frustration peaked here as Matt Hardy was left to stand for ECW in a sea of Raw and Smackdown stars. After his elimination, Tazz said,
"I guess I'll let you guys call this match now, I'm done."
Another injury occured when both Edge and Batista attempted to spear each other. This seemed to be a matter of miscommunication as Batista and Edge both have the same finisher. They ended up cracking skulls in the middle of the ring. Batista was left alone in the corner while he started to bleed profusely. He looked dazed, as though he wasn't quite sure what had happened. When he stood he was wobbly, and it was clear that he probably had some sort of concussion. He ended up being eliminated shortly after.
The last three men in the ring were Cena, HHH, and Edge. After eliminating Big Show, Cena and HHH were standing by each other when Edge knocked Cena, who pushed HHH over the top rope. Edge then threw Cena over the rope to win his brand two draft picks.
DRAFT PICK 10: Mr. Kennedy is drafted to Friday Night Smackdown
DRAFT PICK 11: Triple H is drafted to Friday Night Smackdown
I'll start with Kennedy.
This man has already spent plenty of time in Smackdown territory. There's no reason for him to go back. He should be the WWE Champion, and moving him to Smackdown will do nothing for his momentum.
The biggest bombshell, of course, is Triple H being drafted to Smackdown.
This throws everything I said about the Jeff Hardy draft and most of the others out the window. I think this is a great move for Smackdown and gives them a chance to regain some of the prestige they had when men like Kurt Angle, The Rock, and the Undertaker were fixtures of that show. Triple H lends the brand some real star power, and that should help tremendously while also freeing up the Raw roster to bring us some new championship blood.
Other highlights of the night include a promo by Chris Jericho that was answered by Shawn Michaels. When he came down to the ring, Y2J attacked HBK and they spilled outside the ring. Jericho gave HBK a drop toehold and HBK took a nasty dive on the corner of an announce table. It appeared the corner of the table went directly into HBK's eye. It was hard to tell if it was a work or a shoot, as the action quickly halted and EMT's rushed to ringside. Jericho only looked on and headed up the ramp.
And finally, Vince McMahon, of course, had the last laugh. After giving away a grand prize of $500,000, there was an explosion on the stage. After getting to the floor, a pice of the set (the sign with the giant McMahon dollar bill) "blew up" and "collapsed" onto Vince, who was under the stage. The wrestlers in the ring (who had just finished their battle royal) rushed to the scene and tried to move the sign off of McMahon. EMT's and staff came out and tried to move Vince out from under the sign. Triple H could be heard conferring with the staff as to what to do and that he was afraid more of the stage would break if they tried to move the sign any more. McMahon was eventually recovered from under the stage using a stretchboard and a neckbrace.
Moments later, WWE.com reported that due to the night's "tragic incident", McMahon's Million Dollar Mania has been suspended indefinitely.
Of course, who cares about the Chairman of the Board's condition?
And with that, what should've been one of the best Raw's in recent memory came to an agonizing close.
Overall, I think the moves of the draft were smart. Triple H going to Smackdown is going to help both shows tremendously. Smackdown got the best of night, and I think they will be a better product as a result.
ECW of course, was buried. With only one victory in the night (resulting in one draft pick) they looked weak and out of place with Raw and Smackdown. Moving Kane is not going to do anything for either show, but losing their championship will mean the show lacks purpose.
The other result is that one can almost guess what will happen at Night of Champions.
The Intercontinental Championship has not been announced to be defended at that PPV.
However, Smackdown now has posession of both titles, so we know one of them must move to Raw. That means that Edge will most likely lose the World Heavyweight Championship to Batista. Big Show will beat Kane and bring the ECW title back to the ECW brand. None of the other matches present much consequence for the company, but the fact that they chose to have this brand draft before the PPV will not necessarily help buy rates.
But I did enjoy Raw thoroughly this week, even if I am outraged at the absence of Jim Ross from now until WWE realizes what a mistake they've made.
I give it a 7/10. One point is deducted for J.R.'s draft, another for the Million Dollar Giveaway (which I was able to fast forward through thanks to the magic of DVR) and yet another for the terrible angle they've created as an excuse to put Vince back in the spotlight and stop giving away money (which was a mistake to begin with).
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
McMahon's Million-Dollar Mediocrity
So this is it: after two weeks of hype that warranted even an entire press conference, the Million Dollar Mania giveaway on Monday Night Raw has finally arrived!
Before I get into the show itself, it should be made clear why Vince decided to do this in the first place.
Apparently the ratings on Monday Night Raw have been slipping for the past several weeks/months/years from the glorious days of the Monday Night Wars in which pro wrestling (WWF and WCW) were pulling numbers like 6.0's and 7.0's. A couple of weeks ago, Monday Night Raw, which has long been the highest rated wrestling product on television, pulled a 2.9.
I covered the issues surrounding this ratings slip in my last blog, so I won't go into detail here. Suffice to say Triple H as champion, a circular and monotonous main event picture, and the utter lack of creative storytelling are crippling the product.
Now, in an effort to draw (buy) back fan allegiance, Vince McMahon has solemnly pledged to bestow up to $1,000,000 every week on his beloved fans. It is part of what McMahon has dubbed "fan appreciation".
Now I know that there are people out there who actually believe this IS simple fan appreciation, and to them I present the following thoughts.
Despite the slip in ratings, WWE's quarterly earnings continue to increase. McMahon continues to pull in hundreds of millions of dollars every year thanks to the patronage of the fans he has. The problem? The ratings have been stagnant for the past quarter at least. That means, that while the ratings haven't changed on Monday Night Raw, money is still being put into Vince McMahon's wallet. So why has it taken McMahon so long to show the fans his "appreciation"? Simple.
Because McMahon could care less about ratings.
Back in 1999-2001 ratings meant something to the wrestling industry. It was the only real way to tell how well you were doing against your competition every week. If Bishcoff pulled a 6.7 and you drew a 5.5, then you lost. Great ratings, and as yet unmatched in wrestling today, but you lost the night to Bischoff. Nowadays, without any real competition to speak of (TNA can't seem to get its product past the 1.0 mark) Vince can sit complacently atop his mountain of McMillions and doesn't have to keep looking over his shoulder to make sure he's still the top dog in the industry.
So why bother to buy ratings with a McMillion Dollar Giveaway?
Because unlike Vince McMahon, the folks at USA STILL depend on the ratings garnered from Monday Night Raw. Raw moved back to USA after a brief tenure on SpikeTV because USA and WWE have a history of great business together from their inception up through the infamous glory days of the "Attitude Era". USA was convinced that bringing Vince back would help their network (which was struggling since WWE left for Spike) to get back on its feet.
In short, USA expected Vince to bring them the 4.5's, 5.0's that he'd brought them before.
With the 2.9 from just a few weeks ago, it is clear that this is not happening, and USA is less than thrilled.
"So, what?" you may ask. "Vince can always find another network."
This is sadly not the case.
It was recently announced that WWE Smackdown! would move from UPN to MyNetworkTV. But it was a long time between the announcement of the end of Smackdown's tenure on UPN and the announcement that it would show up on MyNetworkTV. WWE spun the story to tell us that there was such a race to grab Smackdown! that they were in heavy negotiations with several networks and hadn't made a decision.
The truth is, Smackdown's ratings have been doing even worse than Raw, pulling in 2.4's and such on a regular basis. It's not like in 2001 when Smackdown was almost as hot as Monday Night Raw. Now Smackdown is universaly labeled as "the second-rate wrestling show" or the "watered-down, network television version of Raw". It's not a bad show, but it's not the best, and no one wants a second-rate show on their network.
Unless things take an upswing for Raw, that show will suffer the same fate. No one will want a show that pulls in a meager 2.9; at least no MAJOR network. And without his national exposure on a major network, Vince will lose his audience, and his product will ultimately get lost in a sea of reruns and mediocre broadcasts. He does not want the Paul Heyman treatment, with a 3:00 a.m. timeslot and no investment in his company by the network for such things as promotional materials and advertising.
So McMahon thinks that giving away millions of dollars every week will help spike his ratings. This may be true, and it may not.
Certainly the announcement has caused a decent amount of hype in the mainstream media. It's nothing compared to the "McMahon vs. Trump" hype or even the "Tyson/Austin" hype that he's enjoyed from previous adventures, but it's enough to let everyone know what's going on.
Now one would assume that the simple intrigue of the event would cause viewers to tune in out of curiosity if nothing else.
Everyone did a good job in hyping this event. Even now, two full days after the initial giveaway, the WWE.com page is still headlined by the announcement that another $1,000,000 will be given away next week. My brother watches Law and Order on USA and on more than one occasion I saw ads for upcoming Raw giveaway. The cross-promotion on Sci-Fi with ECW has produced the same results. So it's clear that this is something both the network and Vince are "banking" on (no pun-intended, but I guess it is anyway...).
"So what?" you're still asking, because you're stuborn and refuse to read between the lines. "So what if he wants to giveaway money to grow his company?"
I'm all for the "spend money to make money" philosophy. But giving it away never solved anyone's problems.
And what's the catch to winning the million dollars?
You have to register on WWE.com.
Okay, I registered. Whew, glad that's out of the way.
That's standard procedure.
Step 2?
You MUST tune in to Monday Night Raw to receive the special password you will need when Vince McMahon calls your house.
Really? I MUST tune in to Monday Night Raw?
See, here's the thing.
The good, young, smart, tech-savy folks who run WWE.com would find it simple enough to bestow upon the registrants the secret password they would need immediately after registering. This is often done with online orders and contests. In fact, it is not uncommon for each registrant to have their own UNIQUE password or key to win the contest. So it is not out of the realm of possibility in the case of WWE. But they INSIST that you watch Monday Night Raw and receive the same password that everyone else receives. The same password for the one night.
WWE has now gotten you to visit their website, register for the contest, and watch their product.
Now, when I visited WWE.com to register for the contest last week, they had announced that over 600,000 people had registered for this contest. I guess that's impressive, but when you constantly brag about the millions of fans you have around the world, 600,000 doesn't seem all that great and may account for your low ratings (go figure?). I actually considered the idea that this was WWE's way of performing a census to see who is watching their product. But they could just as easily do that with their Cyber Sunday PPV in which fans log on to WWE.com and vote for the match stipulations and such.
So why the low turnout?
Well, I just realized that fans outside of the continental U.S. are NOT eligible for this contest.
Now, if you're like me, a big flashing red light and a blaring siren much like the "AOOOOOOOGA" sound for a Bugs Bunny cartoon has gone off in your head because you realize that much of, if not the MAJORITY of McMahon's fanbase are outside of the U.S. As central as the U.S. to WWE's operations, think of all the fans they have around the world in places as far off as Japan and as close to home as Canada.
All of these people are not eligible for the contest.
And this is supposed to help ratings.
But the thing is, if I'm not eligible for your McMillion Dollars, why should I be tuning in to your product? On the contrary, why would I even bother to tune in at all, since this ban on overseas exports of your money are a blatant slap in the face to the fans around the world who may only get to attend a single WWE event every year or two and who STILL tune in to watch your product (or had, up until now).
So here comes the show itself.
It was disheartening to see Vince McMahon put on his best "Bob Barker hat" and attempt to turn his beloved product into a prime time gameshow.
Slipping on his grandfather glasses that rather reminded me of my own father whenever he tries to read something off a computer screen, he fumbled around with a modern telephone (the kind with buttons, not a dial) for several long moments before the phone began to ring. Then came the awkward conversation he would have with person on the other end as he cut them off in mid-sentence and was clearly attempting to get straight down to business.
Now I have tuned in to radio stations and television programs that have allowed their audience to call in for either a contest, or simply input.
The conversation usually starts with the host welcoming the guest to the show, upon which the guest will spout off how much they love the product and the host, and the host's girlfriend, and the host's children, and the co-host, and how hot that girl that does the weather really is. After this, when they hosed down their loyal fan, they will ask the question, or for the password/key, whatever. Then they will announce whether the fan has won the contest or not. When they've won, the fan will scream and probably jump up and down without us knowing, because of course, we can't see them. They will then say thank you a hundred times before finally holding on the line to receive their prize.
Now, on Monday Night Raw, for his Million Dollar giveaway, McMahon simply called up his audience, asked if they were watching Monday Night Raw, and then asked for the password. They would give him the password, and then Vince would announce they've won, but there would be no reaction from the fan, presumably, because the guys in the truck have already cut the mic on the phone. So it is hard for those in attendance (who are clearly not eligble to win) or those of us at home (who are cursing because he didn't call us) or those watching overseas or out of the country who know they have no chance of winning, to enjoy the excitement of someone winning a million dollars when they themselves do not appear to be enjoying it.
Why do you think shows like "Deal or no Deal" and "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" are so successful? Because there is suspense, and when the suspense is over, we get to experience the elation of winning by watching the contestants' reactions. That is what drives their product.
For Vince, the experience is:
"Hello? Who am I speaking to? Dan? Dan, this is Vince McMahon from the WWE. Are you watching Monday Night Raw? You are, good. Then you can tell me the secret password. WWE UNIVERSE is correct! Dan, you've just won $200,000! And don't forget ladies and gentlemen, that we will be giving away $250,000 after the break!"
There's no reaction, there's no elation, there's no excitement, it's simply us sitting there watching other people get handed six figures.
This entire process repeats several times throughout the show. In all, I would guess that each givewaway took about five to seven minutes. Which means about 1/4 of the show was spent giving away $1,000,000. Now if I'm in Canada, or the U.K., or Japan, or anywhere that's not the 50 states, that's a half hour of boredome. A half hour bathroom break.
Why did I tune in in the first place?
On a personal note, the entire process reaked of something I'd see on paid programming. It felt so contrived and out of place.
To WWE, the sting would come the next day, when they realized that their ratings had indeed increased.
"Why is that a bad thing?" you ask. "Isn't that what the contest was supposed to do?"
Indeed it was, my friend. Indeed it was.
So a toast to you, Vince McMahon. Your ratings have indeed risen.
Your 2.9 from the week before, is now a 3.0.
Yep. That's not even a joke, or a guess. The official rating for the inaugrual McMillion Dollar giveaway edition of Monday Night Raw is a 3.0.
For those of you keeping score at home, that is a .1 increase over the week before.
For the folks at USA, it means this entire process did nothing.
NOTHING.
The sad part is this falls right in line with the $250,000 Diva Search from years past. Of course, if those women had known that they could've saved their soul from Vince McMahon and simply sat at home and watched Raw for that kind of money, I'm sure we'd have less models and more wrestlers.
Which brings me to next complaint. A half hour is precious time that could be used to put on a more than decent match and even squeeze out a nice promo for, y'know, character development. If you're from WWE creative and don't know that means, it means taking cookie cutter wrestlers like Cody Rhodes and making them into someone that we CARE about.
Vince held a press conference in Times Square for this event.
Why?
Did the whole world really need to know about this? Did the whole world really care?
No.
Because, as I've stated before, Vince McMahon, however many figures are in his bank account, is still just a WRESTLING PROMOTER to general public, and that is not something they will get up and walk to. You have to fight for their attention. Tyson vs. Austin was hot because Tyson and Austin were the hottest things going in their respective sports at the time. Trump vs. McMahon was fairly hot moreso because of Trump's legacy than Vince's. EVERYONE knows who Donald Trump is from "The Apprentice". That's a show on mainstream network television that people are familiar even if they don't watch it. Monday Night Raw is a show on cable television that people are familiar with, but don't want to be. Even if they are familiar with it, they are more familiar with men like Austin, Rock, HHH, and Cena, than they are with McMahon himself.
Vince tried to put out a gameshow, and a bad one at that.
He plans to give away another $1,000,000 this week.
I will be optimistic and assume that Vince's plans simply need time to develop before people tune in on a more regular basis, but alienating much of your audience is not going to do you any favors.
With any luck, this week's Raw may draw a 3.1.
Before I get into the show itself, it should be made clear why Vince decided to do this in the first place.
Apparently the ratings on Monday Night Raw have been slipping for the past several weeks/months/years from the glorious days of the Monday Night Wars in which pro wrestling (WWF and WCW) were pulling numbers like 6.0's and 7.0's. A couple of weeks ago, Monday Night Raw, which has long been the highest rated wrestling product on television, pulled a 2.9.
I covered the issues surrounding this ratings slip in my last blog, so I won't go into detail here. Suffice to say Triple H as champion, a circular and monotonous main event picture, and the utter lack of creative storytelling are crippling the product.
Now, in an effort to draw (buy) back fan allegiance, Vince McMahon has solemnly pledged to bestow up to $1,000,000 every week on his beloved fans. It is part of what McMahon has dubbed "fan appreciation".
Now I know that there are people out there who actually believe this IS simple fan appreciation, and to them I present the following thoughts.
Despite the slip in ratings, WWE's quarterly earnings continue to increase. McMahon continues to pull in hundreds of millions of dollars every year thanks to the patronage of the fans he has. The problem? The ratings have been stagnant for the past quarter at least. That means, that while the ratings haven't changed on Monday Night Raw, money is still being put into Vince McMahon's wallet. So why has it taken McMahon so long to show the fans his "appreciation"? Simple.
Because McMahon could care less about ratings.
Back in 1999-2001 ratings meant something to the wrestling industry. It was the only real way to tell how well you were doing against your competition every week. If Bishcoff pulled a 6.7 and you drew a 5.5, then you lost. Great ratings, and as yet unmatched in wrestling today, but you lost the night to Bischoff. Nowadays, without any real competition to speak of (TNA can't seem to get its product past the 1.0 mark) Vince can sit complacently atop his mountain of McMillions and doesn't have to keep looking over his shoulder to make sure he's still the top dog in the industry.
So why bother to buy ratings with a McMillion Dollar Giveaway?
Because unlike Vince McMahon, the folks at USA STILL depend on the ratings garnered from Monday Night Raw. Raw moved back to USA after a brief tenure on SpikeTV because USA and WWE have a history of great business together from their inception up through the infamous glory days of the "Attitude Era". USA was convinced that bringing Vince back would help their network (which was struggling since WWE left for Spike) to get back on its feet.
In short, USA expected Vince to bring them the 4.5's, 5.0's that he'd brought them before.
With the 2.9 from just a few weeks ago, it is clear that this is not happening, and USA is less than thrilled.
"So, what?" you may ask. "Vince can always find another network."
This is sadly not the case.
It was recently announced that WWE Smackdown! would move from UPN to MyNetworkTV. But it was a long time between the announcement of the end of Smackdown's tenure on UPN and the announcement that it would show up on MyNetworkTV. WWE spun the story to tell us that there was such a race to grab Smackdown! that they were in heavy negotiations with several networks and hadn't made a decision.
The truth is, Smackdown's ratings have been doing even worse than Raw, pulling in 2.4's and such on a regular basis. It's not like in 2001 when Smackdown was almost as hot as Monday Night Raw. Now Smackdown is universaly labeled as "the second-rate wrestling show" or the "watered-down, network television version of Raw". It's not a bad show, but it's not the best, and no one wants a second-rate show on their network.
Unless things take an upswing for Raw, that show will suffer the same fate. No one will want a show that pulls in a meager 2.9; at least no MAJOR network. And without his national exposure on a major network, Vince will lose his audience, and his product will ultimately get lost in a sea of reruns and mediocre broadcasts. He does not want the Paul Heyman treatment, with a 3:00 a.m. timeslot and no investment in his company by the network for such things as promotional materials and advertising.
So McMahon thinks that giving away millions of dollars every week will help spike his ratings. This may be true, and it may not.
Certainly the announcement has caused a decent amount of hype in the mainstream media. It's nothing compared to the "McMahon vs. Trump" hype or even the "Tyson/Austin" hype that he's enjoyed from previous adventures, but it's enough to let everyone know what's going on.
Now one would assume that the simple intrigue of the event would cause viewers to tune in out of curiosity if nothing else.
Everyone did a good job in hyping this event. Even now, two full days after the initial giveaway, the WWE.com page is still headlined by the announcement that another $1,000,000 will be given away next week. My brother watches Law and Order on USA and on more than one occasion I saw ads for upcoming Raw giveaway. The cross-promotion on Sci-Fi with ECW has produced the same results. So it's clear that this is something both the network and Vince are "banking" on (no pun-intended, but I guess it is anyway...).
"So what?" you're still asking, because you're stuborn and refuse to read between the lines. "So what if he wants to giveaway money to grow his company?"
I'm all for the "spend money to make money" philosophy. But giving it away never solved anyone's problems.
And what's the catch to winning the million dollars?
You have to register on WWE.com.
Okay, I registered. Whew, glad that's out of the way.
That's standard procedure.
Step 2?
You MUST tune in to Monday Night Raw to receive the special password you will need when Vince McMahon calls your house.
Really? I MUST tune in to Monday Night Raw?
See, here's the thing.
The good, young, smart, tech-savy folks who run WWE.com would find it simple enough to bestow upon the registrants the secret password they would need immediately after registering. This is often done with online orders and contests. In fact, it is not uncommon for each registrant to have their own UNIQUE password or key to win the contest. So it is not out of the realm of possibility in the case of WWE. But they INSIST that you watch Monday Night Raw and receive the same password that everyone else receives. The same password for the one night.
WWE has now gotten you to visit their website, register for the contest, and watch their product.
Now, when I visited WWE.com to register for the contest last week, they had announced that over 600,000 people had registered for this contest. I guess that's impressive, but when you constantly brag about the millions of fans you have around the world, 600,000 doesn't seem all that great and may account for your low ratings (go figure?). I actually considered the idea that this was WWE's way of performing a census to see who is watching their product. But they could just as easily do that with their Cyber Sunday PPV in which fans log on to WWE.com and vote for the match stipulations and such.
So why the low turnout?
Well, I just realized that fans outside of the continental U.S. are NOT eligible for this contest.
Now, if you're like me, a big flashing red light and a blaring siren much like the "AOOOOOOOGA" sound for a Bugs Bunny cartoon has gone off in your head because you realize that much of, if not the MAJORITY of McMahon's fanbase are outside of the U.S. As central as the U.S. to WWE's operations, think of all the fans they have around the world in places as far off as Japan and as close to home as Canada.
All of these people are not eligible for the contest.
And this is supposed to help ratings.
But the thing is, if I'm not eligible for your McMillion Dollars, why should I be tuning in to your product? On the contrary, why would I even bother to tune in at all, since this ban on overseas exports of your money are a blatant slap in the face to the fans around the world who may only get to attend a single WWE event every year or two and who STILL tune in to watch your product (or had, up until now).
So here comes the show itself.
It was disheartening to see Vince McMahon put on his best "Bob Barker hat" and attempt to turn his beloved product into a prime time gameshow.
Slipping on his grandfather glasses that rather reminded me of my own father whenever he tries to read something off a computer screen, he fumbled around with a modern telephone (the kind with buttons, not a dial) for several long moments before the phone began to ring. Then came the awkward conversation he would have with person on the other end as he cut them off in mid-sentence and was clearly attempting to get straight down to business.
Now I have tuned in to radio stations and television programs that have allowed their audience to call in for either a contest, or simply input.
The conversation usually starts with the host welcoming the guest to the show, upon which the guest will spout off how much they love the product and the host, and the host's girlfriend, and the host's children, and the co-host, and how hot that girl that does the weather really is. After this, when they hosed down their loyal fan, they will ask the question, or for the password/key, whatever. Then they will announce whether the fan has won the contest or not. When they've won, the fan will scream and probably jump up and down without us knowing, because of course, we can't see them. They will then say thank you a hundred times before finally holding on the line to receive their prize.
Now, on Monday Night Raw, for his Million Dollar giveaway, McMahon simply called up his audience, asked if they were watching Monday Night Raw, and then asked for the password. They would give him the password, and then Vince would announce they've won, but there would be no reaction from the fan, presumably, because the guys in the truck have already cut the mic on the phone. So it is hard for those in attendance (who are clearly not eligble to win) or those of us at home (who are cursing because he didn't call us) or those watching overseas or out of the country who know they have no chance of winning, to enjoy the excitement of someone winning a million dollars when they themselves do not appear to be enjoying it.
Why do you think shows like "Deal or no Deal" and "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" are so successful? Because there is suspense, and when the suspense is over, we get to experience the elation of winning by watching the contestants' reactions. That is what drives their product.
For Vince, the experience is:
"Hello? Who am I speaking to? Dan? Dan, this is Vince McMahon from the WWE. Are you watching Monday Night Raw? You are, good. Then you can tell me the secret password. WWE UNIVERSE is correct! Dan, you've just won $200,000! And don't forget ladies and gentlemen, that we will be giving away $250,000 after the break!"
There's no reaction, there's no elation, there's no excitement, it's simply us sitting there watching other people get handed six figures.
This entire process repeats several times throughout the show. In all, I would guess that each givewaway took about five to seven minutes. Which means about 1/4 of the show was spent giving away $1,000,000. Now if I'm in Canada, or the U.K., or Japan, or anywhere that's not the 50 states, that's a half hour of boredome. A half hour bathroom break.
Why did I tune in in the first place?
On a personal note, the entire process reaked of something I'd see on paid programming. It felt so contrived and out of place.
To WWE, the sting would come the next day, when they realized that their ratings had indeed increased.
"Why is that a bad thing?" you ask. "Isn't that what the contest was supposed to do?"
Indeed it was, my friend. Indeed it was.
So a toast to you, Vince McMahon. Your ratings have indeed risen.
Your 2.9 from the week before, is now a 3.0.
Yep. That's not even a joke, or a guess. The official rating for the inaugrual McMillion Dollar giveaway edition of Monday Night Raw is a 3.0.
For those of you keeping score at home, that is a .1 increase over the week before.
For the folks at USA, it means this entire process did nothing.
NOTHING.
The sad part is this falls right in line with the $250,000 Diva Search from years past. Of course, if those women had known that they could've saved their soul from Vince McMahon and simply sat at home and watched Raw for that kind of money, I'm sure we'd have less models and more wrestlers.
Which brings me to next complaint. A half hour is precious time that could be used to put on a more than decent match and even squeeze out a nice promo for, y'know, character development. If you're from WWE creative and don't know that means, it means taking cookie cutter wrestlers like Cody Rhodes and making them into someone that we CARE about.
Vince held a press conference in Times Square for this event.
Why?
Did the whole world really need to know about this? Did the whole world really care?
No.
Because, as I've stated before, Vince McMahon, however many figures are in his bank account, is still just a WRESTLING PROMOTER to general public, and that is not something they will get up and walk to. You have to fight for their attention. Tyson vs. Austin was hot because Tyson and Austin were the hottest things going in their respective sports at the time. Trump vs. McMahon was fairly hot moreso because of Trump's legacy than Vince's. EVERYONE knows who Donald Trump is from "The Apprentice". That's a show on mainstream network television that people are familiar even if they don't watch it. Monday Night Raw is a show on cable television that people are familiar with, but don't want to be. Even if they are familiar with it, they are more familiar with men like Austin, Rock, HHH, and Cena, than they are with McMahon himself.
Vince tried to put out a gameshow, and a bad one at that.
He plans to give away another $1,000,000 this week.
I will be optimistic and assume that Vince's plans simply need time to develop before people tune in on a more regular basis, but alienating much of your audience is not going to do you any favors.
With any luck, this week's Raw may draw a 3.1.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
The State of Pro Wrestling Address
Just two days after Vince McMahon made the "biggest announcement in the history of television", I will bet "cash money" on the fact that there are about 300 employees running around Titan Tower and the whole of Greenwich, Connecticut after hearing the news that WWE Monday Night RAW officially dropped below the 3.0 mark in the ratings.
Vince McMahon, meanwhile, will sit at his desk and scratch his head and wonder "what could this possibly mean? Surely there is nothing wrong with my product!"
Eventually he will come to the conclusion that intriguing new programming on other networks has lured away his audience. He will tell you it was Memorial Day weekend and the extensive travel by many of his viewers means they didn't have the chance to tune in to see his incredible lineup of programming. He will do everything in his power to convince you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with World Wrestling Entertainment and Monday Night Raw.
It never occurs to Vince that maybe the reason Triple H doesn't fly as a 12-time World Champion is because the fans don't want a 12-time world champion. They want a champion they've never seen before. They want something fresh. It's ironic that Vince himself touched upon this in his infamous monologue Monday night and promised that would indeed be granted our wish in just a few short weeks with the return of the WWE Draft. Surely this will solve the problem of monotony in World Wrestling Entertainment.
But seriously, is Great Khali going to suck any less on RAW than he does on Smackdown? My guess is no.
Ted Dibiase's son debuted as a singles competitor this week. He's a heel, too! He even went so far as to challenge Rhodes and Holly for the World Tag Team Championship in his debut!
Wow. A singles wrestler challenging for tag team gold. Guess it would really put a cramp on the style of creative if they had to actually come up with a TAG TEAM to challenge for the titles. Y'know, like Cryme Tyme. Creative is too busy breaking up teams like Cade and Murdoch to worry about who will partner wtih DiBiase in his quest for the titles.
Chris Jericho is an 8-time Intercontinental Champion. That's a record, ladies and gentlemen. No one has held that title more times than Y2J.
But what does it really mean when your claim to fame is being the guy that held the "mid-card title" in wrestling more times than anyone else? We all know that Jericho is more than worthy of a World Championship run that WWE will continue to refuse him, instead appeasing him with subsequent runs as the WWE's upper-midcard champion. Becasue we all know as long as there is Triple H, there is only room for one "real" world title contender at a time.
The biggest problem in WWE right now is the terrible methods being used to bring up new stars. This is where WWE shot itself in the foot. In the course of a few years they lost their biggest names: Austin, Rock, Foley, Hogan, Lesnar, etc. Never once did they stop to think who would take their place once they were gone. Now they are pretending they can still pick and choose who gets to stand in a vaccant spotlight. Men like Kennedy, Punk, Carlito, Benjamin, MVP, the Hardys, Jericho, and countless others have been working for years to become main eventers, and instead WWE continues to hand the ball to our almighty "King of Kings", the 12-time World Champion.
I'm sure Triple H has Flair's blessing to "break the record" of 16 world championships. The only problem is, Flair's record was legit. He was a World Champion because a board of directors who had actual money riding on his reign chose HIM out of a locker room of hundreds of men to be the poster-boy for their organization. It was unanimous, because it wasn't just the NWA. It was every organization Flair ever wrestled for from NWA to WWF, to WCW, and so on.
The problem with today's system is that it is so easy for Triple H to monopolize the industry simply because of the lack of competition and his connections with the McMahon family. So rather than a board of directors, all Triple H has to do is go to his father-in-law and request a world title match...and there's really nothing anyone can do about it.
Jeff Hardy is begging to be WWE Champion. The fans are begging for Hardy to be WWE Champion. The WWE had the perfect opportunity to make Jeff Champion at the Royal Rumble...and they let it go in favor of a more Triple H condoned route of allowing Orton to keep his title.
Want to know why Orton kept his title? Because they didn't want Triple H to get booed when he came back and won it from someone like Jeff Hardy. They knew long before "The Game" returned that he would be WWE Champion come Summerslam, and they wanted to make sure he was as close to a fan-favorite as possible when it happened.
Meanwhile, the mediocrity and monotony of another Triple H title run has fans changing the channel quicker than a Bra and Panties match on ECW. Yes, travel and alternative programming have a lot to do with ratings on a holiday weekend, but let's face it: if you're programming was THAT good, people would make a point to watch it or at least record it so they could catch up on it later. There is really no excuse for a 2.9 rating for a show that is deemed the "flagship broadcast" of the WWE.
USA Network is not the least bit happy about any of it and have told Vince so on several occasions. It will be interesting to see if they choose to renew RAW another season and what happens to Vince and Co. when their outlet for national exposure suddenly closes.
Now Vince thinks giving away money on TV will help draw ratings. I really don't care if it does or not, and that is for several reasons.
Firstly, this is a tactic previously pitched by Eric Bischoff for WCW. All respect to Eric Bischoff, what does it say about Vince McMahon when he's using the tactic of a dead company to draw in his audience?
Secondly, this is clearly a stunt simply to pull the audience in. I'm not questioning it's integrity so much as I am it's intention.
Which leads me to my third point: Giving away money has nothing to do with wrestling.
Vince McMahon can pretend all he wants that he is some sort of entertainment jauggernaut, but the fact of the matter is that most of the people who know his name know him simply as a wrestling promoter and nothing else. Most people cannot tell you that he has been the executive producer of full length motion pictures. Most people cannot tell you that he is the co-founder of a failed football league. Most people cannot tell you anything about Vince McMahon that does not pertain to wrestling. But Vince McMahon, insomuch as he coined the phrase "sports-entertainment" has convinced himself that he is something more than a simple promoter of professional wrestling.
He opened up WWE Films and now he's got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Meanwhile the films produced by his company continue to disappoint at the box office despite the incredible appeal of the stars he casts in them...the stars HE created.
With the $250,000 Diva Search (you know it's on the way...) Vince turned his wrestling shows into game shows. There was no more attempt at keeping the curtain tightly closed on the reality behind the scenes of pro wrestling. We're openly showing how we get women into our business: pie eating contests and 30-second boot camp relays. And bikini contests...don't forget the bikini contests.
Heaven forbid we actually see how well these women can...y'know...WRESTLE! As long as they can dance with Kelly Kelly they really don't need to learn how to do much else.
This trend now continues with the promise of cash prizes to the viewers of Monday Night RAW.
Because why put on a good wrestling match when we can give away money? Why develop characters when we can spend more time in a Vince McMahon monologue? Why actually write a story when we've got the perfect filler in the guise of "fan appreciation"?
Genius, Vince. Pure genius.
I'm just glad Ric Flair retired when he did so he wouldn't have to be subjected to the debasement of his life's work at this level.
Vince McMahon, meanwhile, will sit at his desk and scratch his head and wonder "what could this possibly mean? Surely there is nothing wrong with my product!"
Eventually he will come to the conclusion that intriguing new programming on other networks has lured away his audience. He will tell you it was Memorial Day weekend and the extensive travel by many of his viewers means they didn't have the chance to tune in to see his incredible lineup of programming. He will do everything in his power to convince you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with World Wrestling Entertainment and Monday Night Raw.
It never occurs to Vince that maybe the reason Triple H doesn't fly as a 12-time World Champion is because the fans don't want a 12-time world champion. They want a champion they've never seen before. They want something fresh. It's ironic that Vince himself touched upon this in his infamous monologue Monday night and promised that would indeed be granted our wish in just a few short weeks with the return of the WWE Draft. Surely this will solve the problem of monotony in World Wrestling Entertainment.
But seriously, is Great Khali going to suck any less on RAW than he does on Smackdown? My guess is no.
Ted Dibiase's son debuted as a singles competitor this week. He's a heel, too! He even went so far as to challenge Rhodes and Holly for the World Tag Team Championship in his debut!
Wow. A singles wrestler challenging for tag team gold. Guess it would really put a cramp on the style of creative if they had to actually come up with a TAG TEAM to challenge for the titles. Y'know, like Cryme Tyme. Creative is too busy breaking up teams like Cade and Murdoch to worry about who will partner wtih DiBiase in his quest for the titles.
Chris Jericho is an 8-time Intercontinental Champion. That's a record, ladies and gentlemen. No one has held that title more times than Y2J.
But what does it really mean when your claim to fame is being the guy that held the "mid-card title" in wrestling more times than anyone else? We all know that Jericho is more than worthy of a World Championship run that WWE will continue to refuse him, instead appeasing him with subsequent runs as the WWE's upper-midcard champion. Becasue we all know as long as there is Triple H, there is only room for one "real" world title contender at a time.
The biggest problem in WWE right now is the terrible methods being used to bring up new stars. This is where WWE shot itself in the foot. In the course of a few years they lost their biggest names: Austin, Rock, Foley, Hogan, Lesnar, etc. Never once did they stop to think who would take their place once they were gone. Now they are pretending they can still pick and choose who gets to stand in a vaccant spotlight. Men like Kennedy, Punk, Carlito, Benjamin, MVP, the Hardys, Jericho, and countless others have been working for years to become main eventers, and instead WWE continues to hand the ball to our almighty "King of Kings", the 12-time World Champion.
I'm sure Triple H has Flair's blessing to "break the record" of 16 world championships. The only problem is, Flair's record was legit. He was a World Champion because a board of directors who had actual money riding on his reign chose HIM out of a locker room of hundreds of men to be the poster-boy for their organization. It was unanimous, because it wasn't just the NWA. It was every organization Flair ever wrestled for from NWA to WWF, to WCW, and so on.
The problem with today's system is that it is so easy for Triple H to monopolize the industry simply because of the lack of competition and his connections with the McMahon family. So rather than a board of directors, all Triple H has to do is go to his father-in-law and request a world title match...and there's really nothing anyone can do about it.
Jeff Hardy is begging to be WWE Champion. The fans are begging for Hardy to be WWE Champion. The WWE had the perfect opportunity to make Jeff Champion at the Royal Rumble...and they let it go in favor of a more Triple H condoned route of allowing Orton to keep his title.
Want to know why Orton kept his title? Because they didn't want Triple H to get booed when he came back and won it from someone like Jeff Hardy. They knew long before "The Game" returned that he would be WWE Champion come Summerslam, and they wanted to make sure he was as close to a fan-favorite as possible when it happened.
Meanwhile, the mediocrity and monotony of another Triple H title run has fans changing the channel quicker than a Bra and Panties match on ECW. Yes, travel and alternative programming have a lot to do with ratings on a holiday weekend, but let's face it: if you're programming was THAT good, people would make a point to watch it or at least record it so they could catch up on it later. There is really no excuse for a 2.9 rating for a show that is deemed the "flagship broadcast" of the WWE.
USA Network is not the least bit happy about any of it and have told Vince so on several occasions. It will be interesting to see if they choose to renew RAW another season and what happens to Vince and Co. when their outlet for national exposure suddenly closes.
Now Vince thinks giving away money on TV will help draw ratings. I really don't care if it does or not, and that is for several reasons.
Firstly, this is a tactic previously pitched by Eric Bischoff for WCW. All respect to Eric Bischoff, what does it say about Vince McMahon when he's using the tactic of a dead company to draw in his audience?
Secondly, this is clearly a stunt simply to pull the audience in. I'm not questioning it's integrity so much as I am it's intention.
Which leads me to my third point: Giving away money has nothing to do with wrestling.
Vince McMahon can pretend all he wants that he is some sort of entertainment jauggernaut, but the fact of the matter is that most of the people who know his name know him simply as a wrestling promoter and nothing else. Most people cannot tell you that he has been the executive producer of full length motion pictures. Most people cannot tell you that he is the co-founder of a failed football league. Most people cannot tell you anything about Vince McMahon that does not pertain to wrestling. But Vince McMahon, insomuch as he coined the phrase "sports-entertainment" has convinced himself that he is something more than a simple promoter of professional wrestling.
He opened up WWE Films and now he's got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Meanwhile the films produced by his company continue to disappoint at the box office despite the incredible appeal of the stars he casts in them...the stars HE created.
With the $250,000 Diva Search (you know it's on the way...) Vince turned his wrestling shows into game shows. There was no more attempt at keeping the curtain tightly closed on the reality behind the scenes of pro wrestling. We're openly showing how we get women into our business: pie eating contests and 30-second boot camp relays. And bikini contests...don't forget the bikini contests.
Heaven forbid we actually see how well these women can...y'know...WRESTLE! As long as they can dance with Kelly Kelly they really don't need to learn how to do much else.
This trend now continues with the promise of cash prizes to the viewers of Monday Night RAW.
Because why put on a good wrestling match when we can give away money? Why develop characters when we can spend more time in a Vince McMahon monologue? Why actually write a story when we've got the perfect filler in the guise of "fan appreciation"?
Genius, Vince. Pure genius.
I'm just glad Ric Flair retired when he did so he wouldn't have to be subjected to the debasement of his life's work at this level.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
The Road (to Wrestlemania) Goes Ever On...
So here it is: the traditional three-hour RAW extravaganza that's the official poster-child for Wrestlemania XXIV.
This has become more common in the past couple of years, and I'm not really sure why. It used to be cool to have a three-hour RAW, y'know, back when two hours weren't taken up by promos and pointless vignettes. Unfortunately, that has changed drastically.
The show opens with "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair calling out Shawn Michaels in regards to Shawn's presumptuous comments that, should "The Naitch" and "The Showstopper" get it on at Wrestlemania, Flair's show would be stopped. Flair says he doesn't want any sympathy from anyone, since Shawn's instincts told him that he did not want to be responsible for Flair's retirement. Shawn came out and squashed that sentiment by restating that he will be giving Flair 100% of classic HBK come 'Mania.
The whole affair was well done, but I have two major problems with it.
The first is that there's a bit too much respect flying around here. Don't get me wrong, anyone who is anyone in the wrestling industry knows that respect is due to Ric Flair above all other members of the locker room, but it makes for quite the contradiction when HBK steps out there and tells Flair "I love you" in one breath, and "I will retire you" in the next.
The second is that it didn't really amp up anything for the match. The fact that these guys are such great friends means that they can't really turn either one heel and sell it, because the crowd knows how much Flair and HBK respect the hell out of each other. The whole angle has not been played out to capacity by any means, as pointed out by men like "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, who said simply: "This is Ric Flair" we're talking about. This should be the main event at Wrestlemania, and will end up beneath both World Title matches. It's lucky to make it that high and I'm sure it's due more to Shawn's involvement than Flair's since Flair was left completely off the broadcasted card for Wrestlemania 23.
All in all, this has potential, but unless they blow the hell out of it in the few remaining weeks until the event, it will be severely underplayed. The match will be great since it involves two of wrestling's greatest performers of all time, even though both reached the peaks of their respective careers several years ago.
Next we have Randy Orton who has been dubbed General Manager for the night in the continuation of the RAW's Triple Threat Takeover. Orton plays it smart and pits HBK against Wrestlemania 23 opponent John Cena (who was victorious over Shawn at that outing) and declares that Triple H will face Wrestlemania XV opponent, Kane. Meanwhile, the Champ himself takes the night off.
In keeping with the Wrestlemania Rewind theme, a Casket Match was signed between Wrestlemania 22 opponents The Undertaker and "The World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry. This match was short, and had a rather abrupt ending which, if I recall correctly, saw no Tombstone Piledriver or Chokeslam. I'm looking forward to watching "The Deadman" face Edge at for the World Championship on March 30, and although most people would agree that a 16-0 Wrestlemania undefeated streak for 'Taker is a foregone conclusion, the big event always brings the question of just who, if anyone, will be able to finally keep "The Phenom" down when the lights are on brightest.
I actually felt bad for the beating Mr. Kennedy suffered at the hands of Finlay. After JBL cut a promo via TitanTron about the "Belfast Brawl" scheduled between he and Finlay at Wrestlemania, the fighting Irishman snapped and went to town on Kennedy with his shilelagh. This was fine and actually brought some credibility to the angle after that god-awful "attack" by JBL on a bed-laiden Hornswoggle last Monday. My problem came when Finlay, after being restrained by three refs while Kennedy was being escorted from the ring by two more, proceeded to snap again and continue his assault.
Now, most of our fans will find that there is no love lost between themselves and the man with the microphone, but that's not the issue. The issue is this: Finlay's rage had already subsided. His first act can be taken as involuntary, almost instinctive, because of the threats of JBL and the convenience of Kennedy's pressence. Finlay could almost go the William Regal or come out on RAW next week and apologize publicly for his actions, thus remaining a face, giving JBL a chance to interrupt and do a typical heel promo on the innocent face.
But this is ruined by the second attack which is assumed to be voluntary, and that is key because good guys do not voluntarily attack innocent men (Kennedy being innocent in the context of the storyline). Wasn't JBL's attack on Hornswoggle last Monday, however brutal (as much to watch as it was to experience), an attack on an innocent man? What then, is there left to separate the good from the bad? Who now do we cheer at 'Mania? We are expected to cheer for Finlay and boo JBL because...well...because he's annoying, really, not because he's done anything that Finlay hasn't. The only excuse Finlay has now is the adolescent idea of "he made me do it" or "he did it first!" That's not exactly solid storytelling when you're trying to build a 'Mania worthy confrontation.
Finally, the does nothing for Kennedy and his entry in the Money-in-the-Bank Ladder Match at 'Mania. This is the time where all the stars involved need to be pushed as hard as possible so the buy rates will go up. By burying Kennedy tonight, you've alienated all the fans who were looking to buy 'Mania on the chance that Kennedy might walk out of his match a winner, but with the obvious push of Chris Jericho and Jeff Hardy to the top of that ladder (pun intended), there's hardly room for someone who should've had his push six months ago.
And speaking of those two men, Jeff Hardy and Y2J faced off in a match for the Intercontinental Championship. This was the best match of the night: quickly paced with countless near falls throughout. Both men hit and missed their finishers, with Hardy avoiding the Walls of Jericho and turning into a small package roll up while Jericho would push off the Twist of Fate and follow up with a Lionsault. The words "We have a new Champ!" actually left the lips of commentator Jerry "The King" Lawler after one of these near falls, and he quickly retracted them when he realized the match must continue. In the end, Jericho hit "The Codebreaker" to win the match and end Jeff Hardy's six-month plus reign as Intercontinental Champion. For those of you, keeping score at home, Jericho has now broken his own record for most Intercontinental title reigns in WWE history (8).
Well, this either means they took the strap off Hardy to prepare him for a new title, or that they are ditching Hardy completely. I tend to lean towards the second theory, since they could very well wait until after Wrestlemania to take his Intercontinental title away if they wanted to give him the WWE Championship.
As much as I love to see Chris Jericho with some gold, the fact that he has now broken his own championship record will only lead him further astray from what fans really want: a Jericho WWE title run. Instead he winds up with the mid-card title, which is exactly where he was before he left in 2005. Sorry, Jerichaholics, but there seems to be little or no hope of seeing this star as World Champion again...
To RAW's credit, there was little to no backstage vignettes. All three members of the Triple Threat Match for the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania XXIV were interviewed. Triple H's was surprisingly, and refreshingly, short. Nothing new, but not too long. Instead of the usual fifteen minute monologue, we got a very nice, short, sweet, and effective promo that ended simply with: "Cena, Orton, game on." Nicely done.
Cena put out his usual speech about how his injury made him realize how badly he wanted the spotlight again and how hard he worked to get back to it. Now he's more focused than ever on becoming champion again. He talked about how much he respected Randy Orton's accomplishments (he respects the guy that kicked his father's head in just four months ago...) and Triple H's intensity, but he's going to be champion again.
Orton's promo was the longest, but that's not to say it was too long. He called out a bunch of attributes of Triple H and Cena and claimed he was the combination of all three of these, only he had one thing they didn't have: the title. Once again, it was slow, scripted Randy Orton rhetoric, but one of the more effective of his promos.
These were short promos that didn't take up too much TV time. If you fast forwarded your DVR for two seconds, they're gone, so I didn't mind them and actually enjoyed them. There was also an effective Kane promo in which Orton tried to get Kane's anger toward "The Game" rekindled, and Kane grabbed him by the throat and told Orton that the last thing he needed regarding Triple H was a history lesson. Again, very short, very effective. He's angry. We get it. He's going to unleash years of anger. Perfect. That's what we paid to see.
Unfortunately, two segments were not nearly as effective and several times the length of these promos.
The first was the appearance of Nikolai Volkoff & The Iron Shiek, whom most fans scarcely remember. So I was glad when Volkoff got his traditional heat for singing the Soviet national anthem. He actually still sounds good when he sings and, if you ask me, has aged much better than his Un-American counterpart, who uttered the traditional: "Russia: Number One! Iran: Number One! USA: aakkk-tooey!"
Then the U.S. Express, comprised of Barry Windam and Mike Rotunda arrive on the scene and it suddenly dawns on me that they are indeed here for nostalgia, but in the form of an actual wrestling contest as an omage to their confrontation at the very first Wrestlemania in 1985.
The cold hand of dread suddenly grips me tight as I try to picture a match between such relics. All due respect, they are not required to wrestle. Their appearance alone would have been enough to satisfy the foggy memories of the inagural event. Then Jillian Hall comes in to save us from this nightmare (or to enhance it). She wants to sing "Born in the U.S.A.", the song used as the U.S. Express' entrance theme back at Wrestlemania I. She does a terrible job and is given an airplane spin and rolled out of the ring.
That's it.
That's the whole segment. Russian Anthem, U.S. Express, Jillian Hall, airplane spin. The End.
Even now there is a line in the lower left corner of the WWE RAW results page that reads: U.S. Express vs. Nikolai Volkoff & The Iron Shiek (no contest).
It did nothing for Wrestlemnia XXIV. Hell, I doubt it did much for fans who were around for Wrestlemania I. It did NOTHING. It's ten minutes of my life I will never get back, and I have nothing to show for it except the last few paragraphs. Is this why we extended RAW to three hours this week?
The second pointless segment was the Floyd "Money" Mayweather and Big Show weigh-in. For anyone who is curious, Mayweather clocked in at 159 lbs. and Big Show clocked in at 448. Mayweather was accompanied by his usual posse, and Big Show countered with a posse of his own, comprised of members of every WWE roster (RAW, Smackdown, and ECW). After the weigh-in, as Mayweather attempted to leave, Big Show attacked him, leading to a brawl on the outside between the two sides. Finally Mayweather was tossed over the top rope and appeared to hurt his elbow on the fall. Shane McMahon was also knocked off his feet on the ramp as they made their way to the back.
What I like here are two things: a.) that they didn't try to play Mayweather as a face, and b.) that the $20 million payday for Mayweather was brought into the mix.
WWE finally got the hint: wrestling fans don't like non-wrestlers stealing their heroes' spotlights. Mayweather's promo last week was awful, and fans knew it. He also comes out with a posse, something that's reserved specifically for heels in the wrestling industry. Despite Big Show's efforts to help put Mayweather over as a face by attacking Rey Mysterio and a Mayweather look-alike, Mayweather turned heel, primarily in light of the $20 million price tag WWE placed on him.
I won't go into detail about how insulting that is to WWE veterans, much less to every other member of the roster and WWE business in general. To people outside the industry, wrestlers become millionaires over time, and only a few work with garunteed contracts. A $20 million payday is unheard of in the wrestling industry. To put things in perspective, Hulk Hogan made a few million dollars off his contract in WCW, which was garunteed for several years...YEARS, not days, and that had fans up in arms. When Mike Tyson was brought in to work with Shawn Michaels and Steve Austin at Wrestlemania XIV, he was allegedly given $4-5 million for his appearance. You can imagine the outrage by the rumored $20 million offered to Mayweather.
This of course is now a prominent feature of the revamped storyline, and I actually like the heel turn for Mayweather. It reminds me of Tyson's DX turn back in 1998, and it gives fans the chance to boo him due to his money, or cheer him because of his underdog status in the match. They also haven't made any big attempts to turn Big Show face, which is nice because he keeps his tenacity and the freedom to do whatever he wants (storywise...)
My theory is that Vince invented the $20 million figure to spark controversey for the match which up until then had receieved little to no publicity from any major media, including the newspapers and ESPN. He knew it would get the fans riled up, but since finances of that nature are rarely discussed publicly with media or even other talent, I doubt it's genuine. In any case, the image of Mayweather throwing hundred dollar bills at Big Show's feet will certainly get someone's attention.
But the thing is, the segment didn't really DO anyting new. They got into a brawl. Well, a brawl is what started this whole thing: that's how Show's nose got broken. So now we need something more than a brawl. We don't need to know their weights, and we don't need to cut anymore promos. We need to see Big Show decimating the smaller men in the locker room and we need to show wrestling fans what an undefeated boxer can do. This was another excuse for a three hour show, and it failed to do much as far as hyping the match.
The Kane vs. Triple H match was standard fare. Of course, Triple H goes over. 'Nuff said.
Ashley Massaro is injured, so her planned match for her and Melina from Wrestlemania 23 was scrapped. In its place Melina was put against Maria in light of their upcoming Bunny-mania match in which Playboy covergirl Maria will team up with fellow covergirl and former Women's Champion Candice Michelle against former Women's Champion Melina and current Champion Beth Phoenix.
The match was interrupted by Santino with his own copy Maria's magazine which he used to distract her and allowed Melina to pick up the win. Why Candice didn't do anyting while she was there on the outside is beyond me, but at least all participants for the Wrestlemania match were involved.
World Heavyweight Champion Edge faced off against ECW's C.M. Punk in a non-title bout that saw Edge use the distraction of the Major Brothers to pick up the win. Punk had Edge set up for the GTS when one of the Major Brothers got up on the ring apron to distract him. Punk knocked him down and was moving across the ring to deal with the second brother when Edge took him out with a Spear. I'm not exactly sure what Punk has to do with Edge's World Championship match against The Undertaker, but at least there was actual wrestling involved here. Aside from the horrible Vicky Guerrero storyline, Edge is a great talent for Smackdown and one of the best in WWE.
RAW General Manager William Regal brought out Umaga as the man who will take on Smackdown's Batista in a battle for brand supremacy at Wrestlemania. Batista soon followed out and the two exchanged blows before "The Animal" was able to Spear the "Samoan Bulldozer" out of the ring.
I really hope this match leads to a combination of the brands in the coming months. With men like Flair, Hornswoggle, and Finlay constantly jumping ship from one show to another, it's clear WWE is desperate to fill their five hours of weekly programming (not including pay-per-views). All brands are featured at every Pay-Per-View, so there's really no point in having them separate anyway. Plus it will help strengthen each division, so titles may actually mean something.
Finally we have the rematch between Cena and HBK. Cena came out to his normal rain of boos, and he and HBK attempted to remake the classic they had at Wrestlemania 23. I don't think they were as successful as they hoped they'd be. The match was slow paced, and though it featured some solid wrestling, it also featured a young talent and a man who's entire career has been molded by speed and agility. Standard stuff, with attempted finishers and submissions. HBK hit a springboard crossbody off the ropes and proceeded to beat on Cena before Orton attacked him from behind and beat the hell out of Cena himself...or at least tried to. Instead he tried to RKO Cena on an open chair while Cena reversed and threw Orton on it instead (he'll have a history of back problems after that...) Finally Cena F-Ued Orton for his trouble and was left standing tall as we headed to the back where Triple H told us that he'd be in control next week on RAW and that he had plans for Cena and Orton--not as opponents, but as tag team partners.
Their opponents?
The entire RAW roster.
Of course they save "The Game's" reign as General Manager for last because he always gets the last laugh. He'd find some way to outdo what Orton and Cena had done, so he used, quite literally, everything...or rather, everyone at his disposal.
Should be interesting...
This has become more common in the past couple of years, and I'm not really sure why. It used to be cool to have a three-hour RAW, y'know, back when two hours weren't taken up by promos and pointless vignettes. Unfortunately, that has changed drastically.
The show opens with "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair calling out Shawn Michaels in regards to Shawn's presumptuous comments that, should "The Naitch" and "The Showstopper" get it on at Wrestlemania, Flair's show would be stopped. Flair says he doesn't want any sympathy from anyone, since Shawn's instincts told him that he did not want to be responsible for Flair's retirement. Shawn came out and squashed that sentiment by restating that he will be giving Flair 100% of classic HBK come 'Mania.
The whole affair was well done, but I have two major problems with it.
The first is that there's a bit too much respect flying around here. Don't get me wrong, anyone who is anyone in the wrestling industry knows that respect is due to Ric Flair above all other members of the locker room, but it makes for quite the contradiction when HBK steps out there and tells Flair "I love you" in one breath, and "I will retire you" in the next.
The second is that it didn't really amp up anything for the match. The fact that these guys are such great friends means that they can't really turn either one heel and sell it, because the crowd knows how much Flair and HBK respect the hell out of each other. The whole angle has not been played out to capacity by any means, as pointed out by men like "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, who said simply: "This is Ric Flair" we're talking about. This should be the main event at Wrestlemania, and will end up beneath both World Title matches. It's lucky to make it that high and I'm sure it's due more to Shawn's involvement than Flair's since Flair was left completely off the broadcasted card for Wrestlemania 23.
All in all, this has potential, but unless they blow the hell out of it in the few remaining weeks until the event, it will be severely underplayed. The match will be great since it involves two of wrestling's greatest performers of all time, even though both reached the peaks of their respective careers several years ago.
Next we have Randy Orton who has been dubbed General Manager for the night in the continuation of the RAW's Triple Threat Takeover. Orton plays it smart and pits HBK against Wrestlemania 23 opponent John Cena (who was victorious over Shawn at that outing) and declares that Triple H will face Wrestlemania XV opponent, Kane. Meanwhile, the Champ himself takes the night off.
In keeping with the Wrestlemania Rewind theme, a Casket Match was signed between Wrestlemania 22 opponents The Undertaker and "The World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry. This match was short, and had a rather abrupt ending which, if I recall correctly, saw no Tombstone Piledriver or Chokeslam. I'm looking forward to watching "The Deadman" face Edge at for the World Championship on March 30, and although most people would agree that a 16-0 Wrestlemania undefeated streak for 'Taker is a foregone conclusion, the big event always brings the question of just who, if anyone, will be able to finally keep "The Phenom" down when the lights are on brightest.
I actually felt bad for the beating Mr. Kennedy suffered at the hands of Finlay. After JBL cut a promo via TitanTron about the "Belfast Brawl" scheduled between he and Finlay at Wrestlemania, the fighting Irishman snapped and went to town on Kennedy with his shilelagh. This was fine and actually brought some credibility to the angle after that god-awful "attack" by JBL on a bed-laiden Hornswoggle last Monday. My problem came when Finlay, after being restrained by three refs while Kennedy was being escorted from the ring by two more, proceeded to snap again and continue his assault.
Now, most of our fans will find that there is no love lost between themselves and the man with the microphone, but that's not the issue. The issue is this: Finlay's rage had already subsided. His first act can be taken as involuntary, almost instinctive, because of the threats of JBL and the convenience of Kennedy's pressence. Finlay could almost go the William Regal or come out on RAW next week and apologize publicly for his actions, thus remaining a face, giving JBL a chance to interrupt and do a typical heel promo on the innocent face.
But this is ruined by the second attack which is assumed to be voluntary, and that is key because good guys do not voluntarily attack innocent men (Kennedy being innocent in the context of the storyline). Wasn't JBL's attack on Hornswoggle last Monday, however brutal (as much to watch as it was to experience), an attack on an innocent man? What then, is there left to separate the good from the bad? Who now do we cheer at 'Mania? We are expected to cheer for Finlay and boo JBL because...well...because he's annoying, really, not because he's done anything that Finlay hasn't. The only excuse Finlay has now is the adolescent idea of "he made me do it" or "he did it first!" That's not exactly solid storytelling when you're trying to build a 'Mania worthy confrontation.
Finally, the does nothing for Kennedy and his entry in the Money-in-the-Bank Ladder Match at 'Mania. This is the time where all the stars involved need to be pushed as hard as possible so the buy rates will go up. By burying Kennedy tonight, you've alienated all the fans who were looking to buy 'Mania on the chance that Kennedy might walk out of his match a winner, but with the obvious push of Chris Jericho and Jeff Hardy to the top of that ladder (pun intended), there's hardly room for someone who should've had his push six months ago.
And speaking of those two men, Jeff Hardy and Y2J faced off in a match for the Intercontinental Championship. This was the best match of the night: quickly paced with countless near falls throughout. Both men hit and missed their finishers, with Hardy avoiding the Walls of Jericho and turning into a small package roll up while Jericho would push off the Twist of Fate and follow up with a Lionsault. The words "We have a new Champ!" actually left the lips of commentator Jerry "The King" Lawler after one of these near falls, and he quickly retracted them when he realized the match must continue. In the end, Jericho hit "The Codebreaker" to win the match and end Jeff Hardy's six-month plus reign as Intercontinental Champion. For those of you, keeping score at home, Jericho has now broken his own record for most Intercontinental title reigns in WWE history (8).
Well, this either means they took the strap off Hardy to prepare him for a new title, or that they are ditching Hardy completely. I tend to lean towards the second theory, since they could very well wait until after Wrestlemania to take his Intercontinental title away if they wanted to give him the WWE Championship.
As much as I love to see Chris Jericho with some gold, the fact that he has now broken his own championship record will only lead him further astray from what fans really want: a Jericho WWE title run. Instead he winds up with the mid-card title, which is exactly where he was before he left in 2005. Sorry, Jerichaholics, but there seems to be little or no hope of seeing this star as World Champion again...
To RAW's credit, there was little to no backstage vignettes. All three members of the Triple Threat Match for the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania XXIV were interviewed. Triple H's was surprisingly, and refreshingly, short. Nothing new, but not too long. Instead of the usual fifteen minute monologue, we got a very nice, short, sweet, and effective promo that ended simply with: "Cena, Orton, game on." Nicely done.
Cena put out his usual speech about how his injury made him realize how badly he wanted the spotlight again and how hard he worked to get back to it. Now he's more focused than ever on becoming champion again. He talked about how much he respected Randy Orton's accomplishments (he respects the guy that kicked his father's head in just four months ago...) and Triple H's intensity, but he's going to be champion again.
Orton's promo was the longest, but that's not to say it was too long. He called out a bunch of attributes of Triple H and Cena and claimed he was the combination of all three of these, only he had one thing they didn't have: the title. Once again, it was slow, scripted Randy Orton rhetoric, but one of the more effective of his promos.
These were short promos that didn't take up too much TV time. If you fast forwarded your DVR for two seconds, they're gone, so I didn't mind them and actually enjoyed them. There was also an effective Kane promo in which Orton tried to get Kane's anger toward "The Game" rekindled, and Kane grabbed him by the throat and told Orton that the last thing he needed regarding Triple H was a history lesson. Again, very short, very effective. He's angry. We get it. He's going to unleash years of anger. Perfect. That's what we paid to see.
Unfortunately, two segments were not nearly as effective and several times the length of these promos.
The first was the appearance of Nikolai Volkoff & The Iron Shiek, whom most fans scarcely remember. So I was glad when Volkoff got his traditional heat for singing the Soviet national anthem. He actually still sounds good when he sings and, if you ask me, has aged much better than his Un-American counterpart, who uttered the traditional: "Russia: Number One! Iran: Number One! USA: aakkk-tooey!"
Then the U.S. Express, comprised of Barry Windam and Mike Rotunda arrive on the scene and it suddenly dawns on me that they are indeed here for nostalgia, but in the form of an actual wrestling contest as an omage to their confrontation at the very first Wrestlemania in 1985.
The cold hand of dread suddenly grips me tight as I try to picture a match between such relics. All due respect, they are not required to wrestle. Their appearance alone would have been enough to satisfy the foggy memories of the inagural event. Then Jillian Hall comes in to save us from this nightmare (or to enhance it). She wants to sing "Born in the U.S.A.", the song used as the U.S. Express' entrance theme back at Wrestlemania I. She does a terrible job and is given an airplane spin and rolled out of the ring.
That's it.
That's the whole segment. Russian Anthem, U.S. Express, Jillian Hall, airplane spin. The End.
Even now there is a line in the lower left corner of the WWE RAW results page that reads: U.S. Express vs. Nikolai Volkoff & The Iron Shiek (no contest).
It did nothing for Wrestlemnia XXIV. Hell, I doubt it did much for fans who were around for Wrestlemania I. It did NOTHING. It's ten minutes of my life I will never get back, and I have nothing to show for it except the last few paragraphs. Is this why we extended RAW to three hours this week?
The second pointless segment was the Floyd "Money" Mayweather and Big Show weigh-in. For anyone who is curious, Mayweather clocked in at 159 lbs. and Big Show clocked in at 448. Mayweather was accompanied by his usual posse, and Big Show countered with a posse of his own, comprised of members of every WWE roster (RAW, Smackdown, and ECW). After the weigh-in, as Mayweather attempted to leave, Big Show attacked him, leading to a brawl on the outside between the two sides. Finally Mayweather was tossed over the top rope and appeared to hurt his elbow on the fall. Shane McMahon was also knocked off his feet on the ramp as they made their way to the back.
What I like here are two things: a.) that they didn't try to play Mayweather as a face, and b.) that the $20 million payday for Mayweather was brought into the mix.
WWE finally got the hint: wrestling fans don't like non-wrestlers stealing their heroes' spotlights. Mayweather's promo last week was awful, and fans knew it. He also comes out with a posse, something that's reserved specifically for heels in the wrestling industry. Despite Big Show's efforts to help put Mayweather over as a face by attacking Rey Mysterio and a Mayweather look-alike, Mayweather turned heel, primarily in light of the $20 million price tag WWE placed on him.
I won't go into detail about how insulting that is to WWE veterans, much less to every other member of the roster and WWE business in general. To people outside the industry, wrestlers become millionaires over time, and only a few work with garunteed contracts. A $20 million payday is unheard of in the wrestling industry. To put things in perspective, Hulk Hogan made a few million dollars off his contract in WCW, which was garunteed for several years...YEARS, not days, and that had fans up in arms. When Mike Tyson was brought in to work with Shawn Michaels and Steve Austin at Wrestlemania XIV, he was allegedly given $4-5 million for his appearance. You can imagine the outrage by the rumored $20 million offered to Mayweather.
This of course is now a prominent feature of the revamped storyline, and I actually like the heel turn for Mayweather. It reminds me of Tyson's DX turn back in 1998, and it gives fans the chance to boo him due to his money, or cheer him because of his underdog status in the match. They also haven't made any big attempts to turn Big Show face, which is nice because he keeps his tenacity and the freedom to do whatever he wants (storywise...)
My theory is that Vince invented the $20 million figure to spark controversey for the match which up until then had receieved little to no publicity from any major media, including the newspapers and ESPN. He knew it would get the fans riled up, but since finances of that nature are rarely discussed publicly with media or even other talent, I doubt it's genuine. In any case, the image of Mayweather throwing hundred dollar bills at Big Show's feet will certainly get someone's attention.
But the thing is, the segment didn't really DO anyting new. They got into a brawl. Well, a brawl is what started this whole thing: that's how Show's nose got broken. So now we need something more than a brawl. We don't need to know their weights, and we don't need to cut anymore promos. We need to see Big Show decimating the smaller men in the locker room and we need to show wrestling fans what an undefeated boxer can do. This was another excuse for a three hour show, and it failed to do much as far as hyping the match.
The Kane vs. Triple H match was standard fare. Of course, Triple H goes over. 'Nuff said.
Ashley Massaro is injured, so her planned match for her and Melina from Wrestlemania 23 was scrapped. In its place Melina was put against Maria in light of their upcoming Bunny-mania match in which Playboy covergirl Maria will team up with fellow covergirl and former Women's Champion Candice Michelle against former Women's Champion Melina and current Champion Beth Phoenix.
The match was interrupted by Santino with his own copy Maria's magazine which he used to distract her and allowed Melina to pick up the win. Why Candice didn't do anyting while she was there on the outside is beyond me, but at least all participants for the Wrestlemania match were involved.
World Heavyweight Champion Edge faced off against ECW's C.M. Punk in a non-title bout that saw Edge use the distraction of the Major Brothers to pick up the win. Punk had Edge set up for the GTS when one of the Major Brothers got up on the ring apron to distract him. Punk knocked him down and was moving across the ring to deal with the second brother when Edge took him out with a Spear. I'm not exactly sure what Punk has to do with Edge's World Championship match against The Undertaker, but at least there was actual wrestling involved here. Aside from the horrible Vicky Guerrero storyline, Edge is a great talent for Smackdown and one of the best in WWE.
RAW General Manager William Regal brought out Umaga as the man who will take on Smackdown's Batista in a battle for brand supremacy at Wrestlemania. Batista soon followed out and the two exchanged blows before "The Animal" was able to Spear the "Samoan Bulldozer" out of the ring.
I really hope this match leads to a combination of the brands in the coming months. With men like Flair, Hornswoggle, and Finlay constantly jumping ship from one show to another, it's clear WWE is desperate to fill their five hours of weekly programming (not including pay-per-views). All brands are featured at every Pay-Per-View, so there's really no point in having them separate anyway. Plus it will help strengthen each division, so titles may actually mean something.
Finally we have the rematch between Cena and HBK. Cena came out to his normal rain of boos, and he and HBK attempted to remake the classic they had at Wrestlemania 23. I don't think they were as successful as they hoped they'd be. The match was slow paced, and though it featured some solid wrestling, it also featured a young talent and a man who's entire career has been molded by speed and agility. Standard stuff, with attempted finishers and submissions. HBK hit a springboard crossbody off the ropes and proceeded to beat on Cena before Orton attacked him from behind and beat the hell out of Cena himself...or at least tried to. Instead he tried to RKO Cena on an open chair while Cena reversed and threw Orton on it instead (he'll have a history of back problems after that...) Finally Cena F-Ued Orton for his trouble and was left standing tall as we headed to the back where Triple H told us that he'd be in control next week on RAW and that he had plans for Cena and Orton--not as opponents, but as tag team partners.
Their opponents?
The entire RAW roster.
Of course they save "The Game's" reign as General Manager for last because he always gets the last laugh. He'd find some way to outdo what Orton and Cena had done, so he used, quite literally, everything...or rather, everyone at his disposal.
Should be interesting...
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Messing with Success
Well, it's official. All my worst fears were realized to their fullest potential at the 2008 WWE Royal Rumble Pay-Per-View event in Madison Square Garden, New York City.
While I do a lot of criticizing when it comes to Vince McMahon's empire, I will admit to having bought the majority of PPV's from 2005 to the present. But this was different. Not just because it was finally in high-definition, but because it actually had some angles that worked. Let's take a brief look, shall we?
"The Nature Boy" Ric Flair vs. Montel Vontavious Porter
-Okay, so I still don't get what the hype is behind "MVP". Some people are equating him with Mr. Kennedy from RAW, but I don't see it. Still, anything with "The Nature Boy's" career on the line has to be interesting, right? Even though we all know MVP would be the last person to end Flair's illustrious run, it makes everything out of a match that would otherwise have meant nothing.
John "Bradshaw" Layfield vs. "Y2J" Chris Jericho
-You pondered the code that flashed across your screens on Monday nights. You cheered when you realized it meant the return of "Y2J" Chris Jericho. You jumped to your feet when he immediately challenged Randy Orton for the WWE Championship at Armageddon, and you booed when he won by disqualification, leaving the title around the waist of "The Legend Killer". Then, the "Ayatolla of Rock and Rolla" was entangled in a plot with the media maven JBL, and you groaned as you realized Jericho was destined to slide back to midcard status. Yet by the time the Rumble came around, everyone was chomping at the bit to see what would happen in this match. That's because creative finally woke up and smelled the inspiration. They crafted a storyline that went beyond titles, beyond careers and dug deep to weave a tale of personal sabotage. The match may not have been a "Match of the Year" candidate, but at least Jericho picked up the win and now has the momentum as their feud continues.
Edge vs. Rey Mysterio for the World Heavyweight Championship
-Cruiserweight Rey Mysterio going for a world HEAVYWEIGHT championship. 'Nuff said.
Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy for the WWE Championship
-And here it is, folks: the moment you've all been waiting for. WWE pulled out a quality of storyline that hadn't been seen in almost a decade. First Hardy becomes 1 contender for the title by beating none other than "The Game" himself, Triple H. Then Hardy does a Whisper in the Wind off the top of a 15-foot high steel cage onto a 350-pound Samoan. Then Hardy does the unthinkable when he beats the champion down, drags him up the ramp, throws him off the stage, and gives him a Swanton Bomb off the TitanTron--yes, the TitanTron!
Amazing! Adrenaline? Yes! Intrigue? Yes! Money? Yes! This is it: the answer to all of WWE's problems! They finally have a star the fans are solidly behind and a champion they unanimously hate! It seemed perfectly logical that with Hardy as champion the company would cruise through Wrestlemania XXIV with little hastle and a solid main event featuring two young superstars rather than the same old veterans that have hogged the spotlight year after year. Yes, I'm talking to you, "King of Kings".
With all that was going right for them it seemed only a matter of time before WWE did what they do best and f**ked the whole thing up.
Yep. Hardy walked away from the Rumble with the short end of the stick while Orton retained his title, carrying on a dynasty that had already long overstayed its welcome. Despite the fact that the fans desperately want to see new blood in the main event picture, they are forced to suffer the same bland and well worn out personalities they've experienced for the past several years.
And get this: Hardy doesn't even get a decent spot. Nope. I mean, he gets the usual, which is great, don't get me wrong, but the so-called "writers" in WWE seem to nned another blast of Storytelling 101.
If I write a story in which Jeff Hardy jumps off a steel cage, the fans get excited because they want to know, "What will Hardy do next?" If I then continue this story with the idea of Jeff Hardy jumping off a 30 foot TitanTron set piece, the fans are thinking, "Oh my god! What will Hardy do next?" This leads us to the climax (a.k.a. Royal Rumble event). The fans have been teased with attacks here and there, but this is it: this is for all the marbles. So you would think that this is where Jeff would take the ultimate risk. He'd put it all on the line for the title, for one last chance to prove he is good enough to be called champion. This is where he does the most ridiculous spot ever.
Oh, that's right. We're talking about WWE here. Never mind. We'll just have a standard, Monday Night RAW quality match and let Orton win with a single RKO after getting the crap beaten out of him for twenty minutes.
By the way, Vince McMahon thanks you for you $39.95 (add $10 if you watched it in HD.)
So with all this, you would think that this angle is pretty much dead, right? Jeff had his chance, lost, and will now be thrown back into obscurity in favor of another Triple H/Randy Orton soap opera in which the "Cerebral Assassin" tells us all how he made Randy Orton and he can break Randy Orton and in the process become a 12-time World Champion.
But wait. Does it really have to be this way? Does the wrath of "The Game" have to be incurred when we could so easily have Hardy win the title at Wrestlemania, just months away? Maybe WWE was just whetting our appetite for something bigger...something better.
No such luck. Lo and behold! Here comes an unannounced John Cena to win the Royal Rumble by eliminating men like Umaga, Kane, Big Daddy V, and other formerly "impossible-to-eliminate-by-any-one-man" opponents.
Now, to WWE's credit, Cena's return was kept totally secret and not even hinted at during WWE programming, leaving fans and critics alike totally clueless. So when it happened, it was big. It was huge! John Cena, who was scheduled to be out for at least three more months, was not only here, but he'd won the Royal Rumble! He was going to Wrestlemania XXIV!
Wait. John Cena? The John Cena? The former three-time WWE Champion John Cena? He's back? From that torn pectorial muscle that was supposed to keep him out of action for almost a year? Didn't that happen like, four months ago? Wasn't WWE running around like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off trying to figure out what they would do without their beloved John Cena to hold the WWE Championship until Wrestlemania when he would job it out to Orton or Triple H? Isn't he the reason guys like Jeff Hardy finally got their moment in the sun? Isn't his injury the reason the fabled "glass ceiling" of WWE was finally broken? Isn't this a little soon to be coming back from a career threatening injury?
The answer to all of these questions, of course, is yes. John Cena's monopoly of the WWE Championship was thwarted by a torn pectorial muscle that was reputed to be keeping on the sidelines for the next 6-8 months and at the very least, out of the Wrestlemania main event picture. To fill the void, WWE called upon Randy Orton (after a few hours of Triple H as champion). Orton didn't fly as they'd hoped, and they were desperate to find someone worthy of holding the title. After passing up mediocre championship contenders like Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels, WWE called upon Jeff Hardy to challenge Orton.
And he lost.
Despite the fact that WWE was desperate to get the title off Orton's uncharismatic shoulder, Jeff lost. Despite the fact that everyone and his brother could just smell the money hot off the press when it came to the question of Jeff Hardy as champion, Jeff lost. Despite the fact that WWE will only get a chance like this once every full moon, Jeff lost.
Instead we get John Cena and we quickly find ourselves back in the same loop we've been in since "The Champ" won the title from JBL back at Wrestlemania 21 (2005). Never mind the fact that Cena's quick return could be more of a hinderance to his career than a benefit. Never mind that the shock will wear off in a matter of weeks and may have even worn off by Monday night. Never mind the fact that men like Jeff Hardy have been working their a$$e$ off the entire year to hold the main event picture together because WWE doesn't know what to do without "Old Reliable", Mr. Cena.
And what of the "Rainbow-Haired Warrior"? Oh, he's in the Elimination Chamber match to determine the new 1 Contender for the WWE Championship at No Way Out--WWE's next Pay-Per-View. He'll be in the chamber with Jericho, JBL, "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, Triple H, and "The Samoan Bulldozer" Umaga.
For those that don't know, the Elimination Chamber is a steel and chain structure that is billed as being one of the most brutal matches in WWE history. For that reason, it is used very sparingly as men have sweat, bled, and clawed their way to barely surviving inside of it.
Oh yeah, and there will be two of them at No Way Out.
Yep. Two Elimination Chambers. One for RAW to determine the 1 Contender for the WWE Championship, one for Smackdown!/ECW to determine the 1 contender for either the World Heavyweight Championship or the ECW World Championship. Yep. Everyone gets to hang out in the Chamber.
First off, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see the lack of inspiration here. If you're having two matches of the exact same type at the exact same Pay-Per-View in the exact same arena in the exact same ring, there's something seriously wrong.
I mean, what are people saying when Stephanie McMahon stands up in the creative meeting and says: "You know what we need to determine the 1 contender for the WWE Championshp? The Elimination Chamber!"
A slight smile flashes across Vince's face. He's so proud of his daughter's cunning mind.
"And to determine the 1 contender for the World Heavyweight and ECW World Championship?"
Everyone is on the edge of their seats. What could she have in store?
"The Elimination Chamber."
Vince shifts uncomfortably in the awkward silence that follows, then mutters, "Sweetheart, we already have an Elimination Chamber match scheduled for No Way Out."
"I know!" Stephanie tells him. "And I thought, what's better than the Elimination Chamber? TWO Elimination Chambers, of course!"
Duh! Why didn't I think of that? Oh yeah, because it goes against every rudementary rule of wrestling promotion.
Example: I have two street fights scheduled for my show. In the first street fight Shawn Michaels hits Shelton Benjamin with a steel chair and the crowd goes "Ooooh! Aaaah!" Then he hits him with a ladder and the crowd reacts even louder. Finally he jumps off the ladder through a flaming table onto a bleeding Shelton who is still showing some wear from the barbed wire sticking out of his left thigh. The crowd is electrified. Shawn hits a superkick, because he's Shawn, and wins.
In the second match The Undertaker hits Jimmy Wang Yang with a steel chair. The crowd mumbles it's approval. He hits him with a ladder. The crowd yawns. Finally he jumps off the ropes through the announcers table onto a lifeless Jimmy Wang Yang who is still showing some wear from the plethora of head shots he's taken from various weapons along with a superplex off the top rope and numerous Chokeslams. The crowd is forming a line at the concession stand. Undertaker hits a Tombstone for the win.
See what happened there? The first match was so good that fans wanted to see something even more brutal from the second match, and they didn't. They had already been desensitized to the violence from the first match so they didn't care.
The same rules apply to the Elimination Chamber.
The second problem I have with this is the question of where it leaves Orton and Cena? What is the champion going to do to occupy his time until the big showdown with Cena two months hence? Well that's obvious: he's going to have that showdown a month early.
Yep. After making such a huge deal about how important it was that he be back in time to headline Wrestlemania, Cena opted to take his title opportunity at No Way Out.
No offense to "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, but--
WHAT?
Wasn't the whole point of the Royal Rumble the chance to main event Wrestlemania? Isn't that why midcarders like Carlito and Tommy Dreamer were in it? Hell, isn't that why Cena came back from his injury in 1/3 the time it would take the average man?
And Jeff Hardy? He now has to fight to become 1 Contender again. Whereas someone like Edge or Triple H may be able to simply invoke some sort of "rematch clasue", Jeff now has to fight his way through five other men to simply get another shot. Not only that, but he has to do it at the very last opportunity and inside one of the most hellacious structures in WWE history (one of two on the night, or did I mention that already?)
It's apparent the lack of creativity flowing through WWE has reached an all-time high. Jeff Hardy will be buried once again now that Cena is back to make all other wrestlers on the roster obsolete. Where ratings for RAW were beginning to climb towards the 3.8/4.0 range, we will now slip back into the uper 2's and lower 3's thanks to the tired song-dance one-trick pony that is John Cena. Just when it looked like someone might actually have come to really "save" RAW, we realize it is just filler for the return of a cardboard champion. Just when we think we might get to experience a fresh new flavor, WWE pulls the bait & switch one more time and we are left with that same, cold, bitter taste in our mouths.
I guess it was fun while it lasted.
While I do a lot of criticizing when it comes to Vince McMahon's empire, I will admit to having bought the majority of PPV's from 2005 to the present. But this was different. Not just because it was finally in high-definition, but because it actually had some angles that worked. Let's take a brief look, shall we?
"The Nature Boy" Ric Flair vs. Montel Vontavious Porter
-Okay, so I still don't get what the hype is behind "MVP". Some people are equating him with Mr. Kennedy from RAW, but I don't see it. Still, anything with "The Nature Boy's" career on the line has to be interesting, right? Even though we all know MVP would be the last person to end Flair's illustrious run, it makes everything out of a match that would otherwise have meant nothing.
John "Bradshaw" Layfield vs. "Y2J" Chris Jericho
-You pondered the code that flashed across your screens on Monday nights. You cheered when you realized it meant the return of "Y2J" Chris Jericho. You jumped to your feet when he immediately challenged Randy Orton for the WWE Championship at Armageddon, and you booed when he won by disqualification, leaving the title around the waist of "The Legend Killer". Then, the "Ayatolla of Rock and Rolla" was entangled in a plot with the media maven JBL, and you groaned as you realized Jericho was destined to slide back to midcard status. Yet by the time the Rumble came around, everyone was chomping at the bit to see what would happen in this match. That's because creative finally woke up and smelled the inspiration. They crafted a storyline that went beyond titles, beyond careers and dug deep to weave a tale of personal sabotage. The match may not have been a "Match of the Year" candidate, but at least Jericho picked up the win and now has the momentum as their feud continues.
Edge vs. Rey Mysterio for the World Heavyweight Championship
-Cruiserweight Rey Mysterio going for a world HEAVYWEIGHT championship. 'Nuff said.
Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy for the WWE Championship
-And here it is, folks: the moment you've all been waiting for. WWE pulled out a quality of storyline that hadn't been seen in almost a decade. First Hardy becomes 1 contender for the title by beating none other than "The Game" himself, Triple H. Then Hardy does a Whisper in the Wind off the top of a 15-foot high steel cage onto a 350-pound Samoan. Then Hardy does the unthinkable when he beats the champion down, drags him up the ramp, throws him off the stage, and gives him a Swanton Bomb off the TitanTron--yes, the TitanTron!
Amazing! Adrenaline? Yes! Intrigue? Yes! Money? Yes! This is it: the answer to all of WWE's problems! They finally have a star the fans are solidly behind and a champion they unanimously hate! It seemed perfectly logical that with Hardy as champion the company would cruise through Wrestlemania XXIV with little hastle and a solid main event featuring two young superstars rather than the same old veterans that have hogged the spotlight year after year. Yes, I'm talking to you, "King of Kings".
With all that was going right for them it seemed only a matter of time before WWE did what they do best and f**ked the whole thing up.
Yep. Hardy walked away from the Rumble with the short end of the stick while Orton retained his title, carrying on a dynasty that had already long overstayed its welcome. Despite the fact that the fans desperately want to see new blood in the main event picture, they are forced to suffer the same bland and well worn out personalities they've experienced for the past several years.
And get this: Hardy doesn't even get a decent spot. Nope. I mean, he gets the usual, which is great, don't get me wrong, but the so-called "writers" in WWE seem to nned another blast of Storytelling 101.
If I write a story in which Jeff Hardy jumps off a steel cage, the fans get excited because they want to know, "What will Hardy do next?" If I then continue this story with the idea of Jeff Hardy jumping off a 30 foot TitanTron set piece, the fans are thinking, "Oh my god! What will Hardy do next?" This leads us to the climax (a.k.a. Royal Rumble event). The fans have been teased with attacks here and there, but this is it: this is for all the marbles. So you would think that this is where Jeff would take the ultimate risk. He'd put it all on the line for the title, for one last chance to prove he is good enough to be called champion. This is where he does the most ridiculous spot ever.
Oh, that's right. We're talking about WWE here. Never mind. We'll just have a standard, Monday Night RAW quality match and let Orton win with a single RKO after getting the crap beaten out of him for twenty minutes.
By the way, Vince McMahon thanks you for you $39.95 (add $10 if you watched it in HD.)
So with all this, you would think that this angle is pretty much dead, right? Jeff had his chance, lost, and will now be thrown back into obscurity in favor of another Triple H/Randy Orton soap opera in which the "Cerebral Assassin" tells us all how he made Randy Orton and he can break Randy Orton and in the process become a 12-time World Champion.
But wait. Does it really have to be this way? Does the wrath of "The Game" have to be incurred when we could so easily have Hardy win the title at Wrestlemania, just months away? Maybe WWE was just whetting our appetite for something bigger...something better.
No such luck. Lo and behold! Here comes an unannounced John Cena to win the Royal Rumble by eliminating men like Umaga, Kane, Big Daddy V, and other formerly "impossible-to-eliminate-by-any-one-man" opponents.
Now, to WWE's credit, Cena's return was kept totally secret and not even hinted at during WWE programming, leaving fans and critics alike totally clueless. So when it happened, it was big. It was huge! John Cena, who was scheduled to be out for at least three more months, was not only here, but he'd won the Royal Rumble! He was going to Wrestlemania XXIV!
Wait. John Cena? The John Cena? The former three-time WWE Champion John Cena? He's back? From that torn pectorial muscle that was supposed to keep him out of action for almost a year? Didn't that happen like, four months ago? Wasn't WWE running around like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off trying to figure out what they would do without their beloved John Cena to hold the WWE Championship until Wrestlemania when he would job it out to Orton or Triple H? Isn't he the reason guys like Jeff Hardy finally got their moment in the sun? Isn't his injury the reason the fabled "glass ceiling" of WWE was finally broken? Isn't this a little soon to be coming back from a career threatening injury?
The answer to all of these questions, of course, is yes. John Cena's monopoly of the WWE Championship was thwarted by a torn pectorial muscle that was reputed to be keeping on the sidelines for the next 6-8 months and at the very least, out of the Wrestlemania main event picture. To fill the void, WWE called upon Randy Orton (after a few hours of Triple H as champion). Orton didn't fly as they'd hoped, and they were desperate to find someone worthy of holding the title. After passing up mediocre championship contenders like Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels, WWE called upon Jeff Hardy to challenge Orton.
And he lost.
Despite the fact that WWE was desperate to get the title off Orton's uncharismatic shoulder, Jeff lost. Despite the fact that everyone and his brother could just smell the money hot off the press when it came to the question of Jeff Hardy as champion, Jeff lost. Despite the fact that WWE will only get a chance like this once every full moon, Jeff lost.
Instead we get John Cena and we quickly find ourselves back in the same loop we've been in since "The Champ" won the title from JBL back at Wrestlemania 21 (2005). Never mind the fact that Cena's quick return could be more of a hinderance to his career than a benefit. Never mind that the shock will wear off in a matter of weeks and may have even worn off by Monday night. Never mind the fact that men like Jeff Hardy have been working their a$$e$ off the entire year to hold the main event picture together because WWE doesn't know what to do without "Old Reliable", Mr. Cena.
And what of the "Rainbow-Haired Warrior"? Oh, he's in the Elimination Chamber match to determine the new 1 Contender for the WWE Championship at No Way Out--WWE's next Pay-Per-View. He'll be in the chamber with Jericho, JBL, "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, Triple H, and "The Samoan Bulldozer" Umaga.
For those that don't know, the Elimination Chamber is a steel and chain structure that is billed as being one of the most brutal matches in WWE history. For that reason, it is used very sparingly as men have sweat, bled, and clawed their way to barely surviving inside of it.
Oh yeah, and there will be two of them at No Way Out.
Yep. Two Elimination Chambers. One for RAW to determine the 1 Contender for the WWE Championship, one for Smackdown!/ECW to determine the 1 contender for either the World Heavyweight Championship or the ECW World Championship. Yep. Everyone gets to hang out in the Chamber.
First off, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see the lack of inspiration here. If you're having two matches of the exact same type at the exact same Pay-Per-View in the exact same arena in the exact same ring, there's something seriously wrong.
I mean, what are people saying when Stephanie McMahon stands up in the creative meeting and says: "You know what we need to determine the 1 contender for the WWE Championshp? The Elimination Chamber!"
A slight smile flashes across Vince's face. He's so proud of his daughter's cunning mind.
"And to determine the 1 contender for the World Heavyweight and ECW World Championship?"
Everyone is on the edge of their seats. What could she have in store?
"The Elimination Chamber."
Vince shifts uncomfortably in the awkward silence that follows, then mutters, "Sweetheart, we already have an Elimination Chamber match scheduled for No Way Out."
"I know!" Stephanie tells him. "And I thought, what's better than the Elimination Chamber? TWO Elimination Chambers, of course!"
Duh! Why didn't I think of that? Oh yeah, because it goes against every rudementary rule of wrestling promotion.
Example: I have two street fights scheduled for my show. In the first street fight Shawn Michaels hits Shelton Benjamin with a steel chair and the crowd goes "Ooooh! Aaaah!" Then he hits him with a ladder and the crowd reacts even louder. Finally he jumps off the ladder through a flaming table onto a bleeding Shelton who is still showing some wear from the barbed wire sticking out of his left thigh. The crowd is electrified. Shawn hits a superkick, because he's Shawn, and wins.
In the second match The Undertaker hits Jimmy Wang Yang with a steel chair. The crowd mumbles it's approval. He hits him with a ladder. The crowd yawns. Finally he jumps off the ropes through the announcers table onto a lifeless Jimmy Wang Yang who is still showing some wear from the plethora of head shots he's taken from various weapons along with a superplex off the top rope and numerous Chokeslams. The crowd is forming a line at the concession stand. Undertaker hits a Tombstone for the win.
See what happened there? The first match was so good that fans wanted to see something even more brutal from the second match, and they didn't. They had already been desensitized to the violence from the first match so they didn't care.
The same rules apply to the Elimination Chamber.
The second problem I have with this is the question of where it leaves Orton and Cena? What is the champion going to do to occupy his time until the big showdown with Cena two months hence? Well that's obvious: he's going to have that showdown a month early.
Yep. After making such a huge deal about how important it was that he be back in time to headline Wrestlemania, Cena opted to take his title opportunity at No Way Out.
No offense to "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, but--
WHAT?
Wasn't the whole point of the Royal Rumble the chance to main event Wrestlemania? Isn't that why midcarders like Carlito and Tommy Dreamer were in it? Hell, isn't that why Cena came back from his injury in 1/3 the time it would take the average man?
And Jeff Hardy? He now has to fight to become 1 Contender again. Whereas someone like Edge or Triple H may be able to simply invoke some sort of "rematch clasue", Jeff now has to fight his way through five other men to simply get another shot. Not only that, but he has to do it at the very last opportunity and inside one of the most hellacious structures in WWE history (one of two on the night, or did I mention that already?)
It's apparent the lack of creativity flowing through WWE has reached an all-time high. Jeff Hardy will be buried once again now that Cena is back to make all other wrestlers on the roster obsolete. Where ratings for RAW were beginning to climb towards the 3.8/4.0 range, we will now slip back into the uper 2's and lower 3's thanks to the tired song-dance one-trick pony that is John Cena. Just when it looked like someone might actually have come to really "save" RAW, we realize it is just filler for the return of a cardboard champion. Just when we think we might get to experience a fresh new flavor, WWE pulls the bait & switch one more time and we are left with that same, cold, bitter taste in our mouths.
I guess it was fun while it lasted.
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