WWE Fastlane 2016
Predictions
Plotting the Road to Wrestlemania
To say that WWE is in a controversial bind would be an understatement. A full two years after launching their lauded (and maligned) home-grown Network, subscriptions are still failing to meet expectations. The company's marque event is just over the horizon, and they are trying hard to fill 100,000 seats at AT&T Stadium. That second issue is compounded by the fact that WWE's roster has been plagued by injuries over the past several months, sidelining some of their biggest names and leaving the entire Wrestlemania card in serious doubt.
Despite all this, the WWE machine continues to plow headlong toward the inevitable, and while we may not know what to expect in Dallas come April, we know that at least one match will be set in stone (as far as that goes in WWE terms) after Sunday night.
It's likely the outcomes of Sunday's matches will shed some much-needed light on what's to happen at Wrestlemania, but whether it's enough to sell out AT&T Stadium is another matter. Let's take a look at what we can hope to expect at Fastlane:
WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP
WWE Intercontinental Champion Kevin Owens vs. Dolph Ziggler
It's likely WWE took the Intercontinental Championship off of Dean Ambrose to help boost his credibility going into the night's Triple Threat main event, but if they were going to give it to anyone, Kevin Owens was probably their smartest bet. Owens is completely over with fans whether they want to cheer him as an antihero or completely boo him as a heel. Owens is one of the few to ascend from NXT without suffering major damage from a creative and booking standpoint (see "Bo Dallas", "Tyler Breeze", "Neville", etc.). He's been kept consistently near the upper mid-card, and it was believed at one point that he might even be built as an opponent for Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania 32.
It's unfortunate for Owens that the entire roster is so thinly stacked. Even without men like Cesaro and Tyson Kidd being sidelined with potentially career-ending injuries, there just aren't a lot of potential contenders for Owens' championship that fans will pay to see without some serious suspension of disbelief. That being said, you may not think Ziggler has much of a shot at winning the title from Owens, but you'll at the very least be assured the match will be a quality effort from both men. The glaring question, of course, is what happens to that title going into what WWE hopes will be the greatest Wrestlemania of all time?
It's unlikely we'll get a one-on-one encounter for the Intercontinental title at Wrestlemania, particularly if Ziggler is still holding it. Continuing Owens' reign might warrant some sort of match against someone, but it's more than likely that whoever wins this match will do little more than escort the title into and out of the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal. That being said, WWE is apt to remind us that there is no "off-season" in their business, so it's just as important that the champion be able to carry the title well beyond April 3rd.
WHO WILL WIN: Kevin Owens
WHO SHOULD WIN: Kevin Owens
WWE DIVAS CHAMPIONSHIP
WWE Divas Champion Charlotte vs. Brie Bella
We can debate all we want about the validity of Brie Bella's title shot that seemed to come out of nowhere (she can thank her husband's tear-jerking retirement for that), but this match could have huge repercussions for the Divas division on WWE's main roster.
My immediate reaction to this match is that Charlotte has to win. She's done a great job as a heel champion with her father in her corner to lend her not just credibility, but to enhance her turn as the new "Dirtiest Player in the Game." In a perfect world, Charlotte would walk into Wrestlemania with the title and face Sasha Banks, pitting the two freshest and most talented Divas against each other on the biggest possible stage.
However, Brie's recent appearance on Good Morning America to talk about her husband's injuries and subsequent exit has thrown a huge wrench into what would otherwise be a pretty cut-and-dry scenario. In that interview, Brie stated that she plans on retiring from WWE sooner rather than later, and ensuing reports have hinted that the end of Brie's career could be as near as Summerslam.
If that's the case, WWE could give Brie one last run as Divas Champion as a nice send-off. Whether that should happen at Charlotte's expense, much less at Wrestlemania 32 is anybody's guess, but it's something worth considering. It's also worth considering that--in WWE's eyes--Brie as Champion brings in some modicum of mainstream press as one of the two main stars of Total Divas, and since Wrestlemania is considered a blending of pro wrestling and entertainment, what better stage to put your reality star on top?
If that were to happen, it's perfectly reasonable to think that Brie could drop the title at 'Mania to Sasha or Charlotte (or Paige, or Becky, or whoever), thus solidifying her final run and helping to get over the next generation of stars.
But let's hope they save that for Summerslam.
WHO WILL WIN: Brie Bella
WHO SHOULD WIN: Charlotte
Becky Lynch & Sasha Banks vs. Naomi & Tamina
While we're on the subject of the Divas division, let's talk about this convoluted bout.
Let's just say that the long-touted Divas Revolution fell a little flat during the NXT to WWE transition. Pairing each of the three new Divas with their respective teams did little to infuse a sense of personal rivalry between them. Instead of getting the types of epic one-on-one title-driven contests familiar to NXT loyalists, we were treated to repetitive, stale tag team matches week after week. Add to this the confusing face/heel turns of Paige and Charlotte and the entire "movement" left fans supremely underwhelmed.
In the midst of all this, Sasha Banks has been a standout for fans, who voiced their displeasure with the Divas formula by chanting "WE-WANT-SA-SHA" on Raw and Smackdown...even when Ms. Banks was not in the arena. WWE eventually took notice and decided to change up Sasha's character by having her strike out on her own, away from her Team B.A.D. cohorts.
Meanwhile, the recently heel-turned Charlotte was beating up on Becky Lynch, and somehow the "Lass-Kicker" wound up teaming with Sasha when Sasha's ex-teammates decided she was hogging a little too much of the spotlight. Honestly, I think it's impossible for a Divas storyline to involve a friendly rivalry at this point. Paige, Charlotte, Tamina, and Naomi have all now double-crossed one friend or another, and to make matters worse, save for the cases with Paige and Becky, the Divas Championship was not even the main point of contention.
The irony here is that fans thought they were finally getting what they wanted from Sasha Banks: a chance to see arguably the best women's wrestler on the planet battle it out for the Championship against one of her NXT rivals. Instead, WWE went back to the tag team well and simply switched up the dance partners.
Naomi and Tamina desperately need this win to stay relevant in a Divas division that is quickly passing them by, but a loss for Sasha and Becky could spell doom for the Divas division going into Wrestlemania. A win for the NXT girls could put Sasha in a position to challenge Charlotte for the title in Dallas...if WWE feels confident enough to put the two of them out there in a one-on-one matchup. Whatever the outcome, this tag team philosophy needs to be put to bed so we can finally let this division loose to show us what they can do without having to tether themselves to each other. It's a safety net these women don't need.
WHO WILL WIN: Sasha Banks & Becky Lynch
WHO SHOULD WIN: Sasha Banks & Becky Lynch
"The Cutting Edge Peep Show" featuring The New Day
This talk segment was apparently so big WWE felt the need to promote it. Obviously, Edge and Christian will be interviewing The New Day. And that's...that's just okay.
I love E&C. I really do. They are one of the greatest tag teams of all time, and their backstage segments during the Attitude Era were hilarious, smart, and entertaining.
A lot of people have suggested that this segment will lead to an Edge & Christian vs. New Day match at Wrestlemania. Rest assured, those people are wishing on a fallen star. If Daniel Bryan's retirement is any indication about how serious WWE is about protecting their contracted talent, there's no way they are letting either Edge or Christian back in the ring. Christian had to walk away due to concussion issues years ago (and with much less fanfare than either Edge or Bryan), and Edge's emotional farewell and Hall of Fame induction were the perfect ending for a career cut much too short.
So what is this segment about? Well, to be honest, it's about promoting The Edge and Christian Show on WWE Network. Other than that? It's something for the New Day to do without putting their titles on the line. It's possible the Dudley Boyz will emerge to challenge New Day for their WWE Tag Team Championship.
Yes, Edge and Christian were great as a team, but both men had since moved on to stand alone in their own right as great singles wrestlers. Both would become World Champions, and Edge's "Rated R Superstar" character would eventually eclipse the goofiness of his early career. It's just hard to see these two trying to rekindle something that was so much a product of its time. This is no longer the Bevis and Butthead era, and while I welcome Edge and Christian on any show, it seems shameless to shoehorn them into a program so close to Wrestlemania without any impact on the event itself. It's just lazy, and unfortunately will probably become a 20-minute bathroom break. Prepare for some CM Punk chants mid-way through.
WHO WILL WIN: No one.
WWE UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP
WWE United States Champion Kalisto vs. Alberto Del Rio
I can't remember the last time a single move launched a wrestler from lower mid-card to a championship so quickly. Just as quickly as Kalisto won the United States Championship, Alberto Del Rio regained it. Kalisto won the title back at Royal Rumble, thus setting up this obligatory rematch at Fastlane.
It says something about Kalisto that he's been able to overcome a rough gimmick and terrible booking to become United States Champion. He is a fantastic wrestler, and I've said before that Kalisto is the Sin Cara that WWE always wanted Sin Cara to be: someone who connects with the audience, someone who can run Mysterio-esque circles around his opponents. Kalisto continues the lucha libre tradition Mysterio ushered in, and he's doing a fine job. Like Owens, however, it's unfortunate that the undercard is so weak, leaving Kalisto with few credible opponents.
As a former World Champion, Del Rio might have added some prestige to the U.S. title if it weren't for the fact that he was stuck in the horrible League of Nations. WWE has done Del Rio no favors since return to WWE. After beating John Cena for the United States Championship (yes, that John Cena), WWE preceded to almost never mention the monumental feat on television. They then paired Del Rio with former ally Zeb Colter, which is not usually such a bad idea, except that WWE in this case thought it would be smart to try and make Del Rio a face by completely changing Colter's character. Whereas Zeb was famous for his rants against alleged illegal immigrants and love for a "home-grown" America, Colter in this instance decided that he would now attempt to reconcile with fans by melding Mexicans and Americans into a single, great nation called MexAmerica.
Seriously, when Jack Swagger of all people has to come over and ask what the hell happened to you, you're in a bad way.
Del Rio broke things off with Colter when Colter's motorized scooter somehow caused Del Rio to trip during a match or something. Alberto said fans were laughing at him, but fans were too bored or confused to react at all. So after this happens and Del Rio gets a few matches to squash his ex-tag partner, Swagger, Del Rio aligns himself with the League of Nations: a faction whose sole purpose seems to be to pick on the fan un-favorite Roman Reigns.
That's all well and good, except that the League never actually got the better of Reigns. At every turn, Reigns had an answer for every trick in the League's limited playbook. Whether it was trotting out his cousins, The Usos, or his "brother", Dean Ambrose, to even the odds, the League of Nations looked foolish every week on Raw and Smackdown. Despite consisting of some of the best and strongest talent on the roster, each of which had previously held championship gold, it was perhaps losing the 5-on-1 tag team match against Roman Reigns that spelled utter doom for the young faction.
At this point, it's hard to tell if the League of Nations is still a thing, with leader Sheamus and partner King Barrett both injured (Barrett recently almost-announcing his intentions to retire from WWE). They seem to trot out together with their horrible entrance music whenever it feels convenient to remind the fans they have each others backs (usually in preparation for a bloated tag team main event match), but are suddenly absent when it comes time for one of their own to lose a championship.
So we'll do this Del Rio vs. Kalisto thing one more time. I'm sure the match will be fine. Heck, it might even be a show-stealer considering the talents of both men. But the overreaching consequences of this bout will be little to none. Like the Intercontinental Championship earlier, the winner of this match will probably be entered in the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal and be unceremoniously disposed of.
If I had to guess, I'd say that Del Rio is needed nearer the top of the card considering the plague of injuries that have thinned out the main event scene. Probably best to find some other poor soul to job to Kalisto every week (I'm looking at you, Tyler Breeze).
WHO WILL WIN: Kalisto
WHO SHOULD WIN: Kalisto
Ryback, Big Show & Kane vs. The Wyatt Family
Apparently, Big Show's Raw main event match (yes, you read that correctly) against Braun Stroman (yes, you read that correctly, too) was so well received by fans the world over that WWE decided to stick Ryback, Kane, and the entire Wyatt Family into the mix to form this 4-on-3 debacle.
Ugh...what can I say about this match? Ryback is "The Big Guy." Kane is "The Big Red Monster." And Big Show is...well...I mean, the word "big" is in his name. It's obviously enough to have in common for these three lost boys to unite against the ever-potent Wyatt Family.
You know what? Let's start with the Wyatt Family while I think of something interesting to write about the other three. Bray Wyatt has been one of the most intriguing characters with the most underwhelming matches in recent memory. Remember: this was the guy that two years ago walked into a Wrestlemania match against John Cena (yes, that John Cena).
And he lost. Then he fought John Cena in a cage and won. Kind of. I mean, he escaped the cage before Cena did. Like, barely. Mainly because there was this kid and he was singing, but he had the voice coming through the arena speakers that was clearly not his own and Cena--who is very used to children sounding like children--was so startled by this that it actually cost him the match. So yeah, I mean, Bray won. That way.
So they fight a third time because the laws of wrestling dictate that John Cena cannot end a feud by losing (see "Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson"). And this time, it's a Last Man Standing Match. And Bray wins because his Family comes out and interferes on his behalf.
Oh, wait. Sorry. Mistake. Despite the match being a no-disqualifications match, nobody comes out to help Bray against SuperCena before the "New Face of Fear" is buried under a pile of staging equipment for the 10-count.
Can't be all bad, right? Wyatt's still the guy, right?
Let's ask Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, Kane, and The Undertaker (yes, that Undertaker). Wyatt has lost to all of them. Literally every time this guy comes out and talks about being the "Eater of Worlds" and tells us to "Follow the Buzzards" and singing songs from the public domain with vaguely religious overtones, he loses. Every. Single. Time.
The only person Wyatt has ever truly beaten--and by that, I mean the only feud he's ever had a winning record in--was against Chris Jericho. Unfortunately, nobody remembers that because WWE decided it would be better not to have two of the best talkers on their roster in the ring cutting promos against each other, so we were left with your typical run-in interferences and other ringside shenanigans to fuel what could've been an otherwise fascinating feud. To make matters worse, fans probably don't remember the rubber match because it happened on Raw instead of a pay-per-view, and don't remember Wyatt winning that match because all they can see is 40-something Chris Jericho leaping off the top of the steel cage.
If that wasn't enough, the Wyatts were briefly split apart, with Eric Rowan and Luke Harper each looking to make their own mark. While Harper was arguably the best of the bunch and even received a brief run with the Intercontinental Championship, Rowan was written as something like a lost child. Rowan would disappear and reappear with no explanation and just as quickly as they were divided, the Wyatts were re-united again.
And this was all before Wyatt was stuck with Braun Stroman: another of WWE's infamous big-men who makes The Great Khali look like Ric Flair. Lumbering around the ring with the flexibility of a glue stick, Stroman's most interesting moment was standing toe-to-toe with The Big Show without the veteran giant uttering the words, "Yes, Braun, I am your father." Since WWE loves its giants, it was only logical to put the aging Show in the ring with the green-as-grass rookie and see what happened. In fact, I'm convinced that the run-in by Kane and Ryback were planned during Raw's last commercial break to save the segment when Vince realized nobody cared what was going on.
To cap this all off we have this match where three guys with the word "big" in their monikers are going to fight four guys with beards, fueled by movies known only to Vince McMahon and his inner circle (which is a clever metaphor for his toilet). Kane may be the only person to match Big Show in the ratio of time served/character changes department, and Big Show himself has been receiving chants of "Please Retire" from the crowd for months, now. That leaves Ryback to stand alone, more or less unmolested by the fans, but only because WWE hasn't given us any reason to care about him.
At the end of the day, these men will provide the necessary filler for the now star-studded Memorial Battle Royal at 'Mania. As for Fastlane, well, I suggest you use this opportunity to hit the concession stands or visit Vince McMahon's "inner circle".
WHO WILL WIN: Ryback, Big Show, & Kane
WHO SHOULD WIN: The Wyatt Family
Chris Jericho vs. A.J. Styles
Finally: a match we can get invested in! Whereas the other matches on this card can be called examples of the typically convoluted and non-sensical nature of WWE's creative processes, this match is a testament to the time-tested pro wrestling KISS formula. No backstabbing betrayals, no stealing the other guy's girlfriend only to find she really does love the guy who stole her, no backstage politics, no flat-panning stare-downs. This is good, old-fashioned Wrestling Feuds 101.
World-renowned pro wrestler and ex-TNA poster boy A.J. Styles has finally broken through the big time in WWE and after an admirable effort in the Royal Rumble match, beat "Y2J" Chris Jericho in his first-ever one-on-one WWE match the next night on Raw. Upset, Jericho challenges him to a rematch on Smackdown and gets the victory back. As discussed above when it comes to John Cena, a rubber match is dictated by wrestling law, and so we have this Fastlane bout.
Most fans probably hoped this would be a Wrestlemania match, but whether it happens at 'Mania or at Fastlane, the match itself should be...dare I say...phenomenal. These are two veterans who know how to work a crowd into a frenzy, and I for one am really looking forward to what kind of story they can tell here. You may not think this will carry over to Wrestlemania, but I tend to think otherwise. It's perfectly logical to think that a heel Chris Jericho will pull out some sort of chicanery to perhaps get himself or A.J. disqualified, thus setting up a true final encounter in April. But, it's also possible that Jericho and Styles will have some different opponents by then (Finn Balor, anyone?)
WHO WILL WIN: A.J. Styles / The Fans
WHO SHOULD WIN: A.J. Styles
TRIPLE THREAT MATCH
#1 CONTENDER FOR THE WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP AT WRESTLEMANIA 32
Dean Ambrose vs. Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns
Remember when I was talking about Wrestling 101? Well, we're gonna talk about it some more.
We've got three men here vying for a shot at Triple H's WWE World Heavyweight Championship, and--perhaps almost as importantly--a main-event spot at Wrestlemania 32.
The relationship between WWE, the fans, and Roman Reigns is well documented. Despite WWE's best (or worst) efforts to get Reigns over, the "Roman Empire" has yet to truly take shape in WWE, even after a conflicted WWE World Championship run. I'm sure WWE thought that having Triple H screw Reigns out of the title would endear Roman to the WWE Universe, but the exact opposite was true. Maybe it's because of Triple H's work as the father of NXT. Maybe it's the sheer history he has with the fans. Maybe it's because he feels so much more legitimate as champion. Whatever the case, Roman Reigns has been booed out of arenas since losing the title in what was possibly the most poorly booked spot in the entire Royal Rumble.
Then there's Dean Ambrose, who, despite his popularity, has never been booked far above the mid-card unless you count his brief feud with Seth Rollins for the WWE Championship. Fans may want to see Dean challenge for the top prize, but WWE has so little faith in him they actually worked into the storyline, having Paul Heyman come out and tell Dean to his face how little chance he stands against both Roman and Lesnar. To combat this sentiment, WWE took the Intercontinental Championship from Dean, knowing fans were smart enough to realize an incumbent champion could never win a second belt (unless you're Seth Rollins). It's hard to tell if WWE will actually follow through on its own threat, though, considering how little they care for the "indy wrestlers", particularly after the problems with CM Punk and Daniel Bryan.
Finally, there's Brock Lesnar, who at this point seems poised to run through everyone and is by far the most credible threat to Triple H and the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. Granted, this is a Triple-Threat Match, so it would be very to have Lesnar lose without making him look weak. This is, after all, the man who broke The Streak. We can't just have him lose outright to a Roman Reigns or a Dean Ambrose...can we?
There's a lot of elements at play, here, and it seems that something's gotta give. Some sort of heel turn or change of fate is in the works, but what exactly? Sure, we can sit here and speculate, but the bottom line is this: Wrestlemania 32 is the next pay-per-view in line. WWE needs to start building the main event now or it risks going into an AT&T Stadium with empty seats still available. Picking the right opponent is key, here. We can talk in-ring credibility all we want. We talk creative believability all we want. But what matters most right now is which name is going to garner ticket sales and Network subscriptions for WWE.
If that's the case, there is only one choice, here. Reigns will not move tickets or get people to subscribe to the WWE Network. Remember: it was Reigns' Royal Rumble win in 2013 that caused people to unsubscribe from the Network in droves. A man that is getting booed by fans across the country is not the man you want walking into your main event in front of your largest potential crowd.
Ambrose would be a fan favorite, but can you really picture him on the Wrestlemania 32 poster staring down Triple H? Dean Ambrose is a fantastic brawler and brilliant talker, but he won't get the eyes of mainstream press on your product, and he won't get non-wrestling fans to tune in. The "hardcore" audience (which is in the minority here, make no mistake), may want to see Ambrose. Even the 100,000 in Dallas may want to see Ambrose as they could be counted as the most hardcore fans, but do you really want Ambrose's name in the papers or on TV's? Do you want Triple H's poised glare of disdain to be met with the bulging eyes and slack jaw of a mad man? No.
You want the self-assured, smug grin of "The Game" to be met with the beady-eyed focus of an unstoppable Beast. Lesnar will bring eyes from the MMA world, which will in turn boost publicity across multiple platforms. Hardcore fans will want to see Lesnar wrest the title away from the greedy corporate champion, and casual fans will just want to see two larger-than-life machines tear each other apart. You won't get a match more visceral than that.
The added bonus to having Lesnar face Triple H at Wrestlemania is that it frees up Ambrose and Reigns, who look to be building their own feud of brotherly betrayal. You could have Ambrose vs. Reigns on the same card in April as a co-main event. I'm sure WWE intended to do a Shield Triple-Threat at some point for the title, but that will have to wait until Rollins returns. In the meantime, a Reigns vs. Ambrose feud could be just what both men need to finally ascend to that next level.
Now, I'm not saying Lesnar will win the match. WWE could take a page out of NXT's playbook and have the match end with no decision, leading to a Fatal Four-Way match for the title in Dallas. Or, they could do the right thing for their struggling company and take Lesnar to Wrestlemania.
WHO WILL WIN: Roman Reigns
WHO SHOULD WIN: Brock Lesnar
